Some People ..

You know what,
Why do I even bother going to that ward anyways.
My singles ward is full of cliqs and groups and well I'm not in any of them.
Since Tami left it is just me and Natalia. We realized on Sunday really how not part of the ward we are. The two of us are never invited to things or even hear about them. You can look around the chapel and see everyone sitting in their groups and then it is her and I in our own little pew.
Last night had to of been the worst night ever.
So I got to FHE after Hali sent me a text saying that she doesnt need me to babysit. I go, I sit, I make a little joke, and it is not the same without Tami..people just kinda looked at me, that is when i knew I was alone.
I thought I would stay for a bit longer since I dont want to go home when my dad is still awake. Well I go into the gym and one of the bishops counclors wife was in there and basicly was talking to everyone and I was invisable. Then someone comes and starts talking to me and when I try to tell a story that related to hers she just walks off .. OK that for the story on your life like I care .. what are you trying to get at .. that your better then me because you already have a classroom?! Well WHOP-DE-FRIGGEN-DO like I care.
I wanted to play volleyball .. but there was no room and Sister I Really Dont Care About Everyone And Your Just Invisable To Me told someone who just got there that there was a spot bc someone else wanted to play and got those people on the floor ... so again I was left waiting becuase there wasnt anyone else.
I left and went into a dark room to cry. I didnt want to be around anyone.
OH when I went back in to get my stuff because I was just going to go home then people started caring. Brother Tenny stuck out his hand for a pound and I just left him hanging. And people started asking if everyting was ok I just wanted to tell them all to F-Off.
If you dont care, then dont try to care and become so Two-Faced snob.
I have been used and lied to and had people be fack to me my whole life, thats the last thing I want.
So when that one counsaler and his wife where leaving and saw me sitting on the couch they cared..is something wrong? your not the smilie erin you normally are. I wasnt going to lie they asked a few more questions I kept saying no that wasnt was wrong, I'm not going to just tell them that I hate the ward and cant stand the people in it and the way I have been treated tonight is the reason why. But i am not going to lie and be happy when I am not, I am not fake like that.
Because of a few things lately added on to last night I am now stuggling with getting my depression under control again. I dont want to do, talk, see anyone. I hate it when this happens, the thoughts coming back into my head.
Right now I am so greatful for Natalia, she is the only person that is keeping me in check right now. It is kinda funny that we have a lot in common. There is a bond - at least one that I feel. I need her in my life, more then ever now, our friendship is strong then it ever has been. I know that Heavenly Father has put her in my life for this time more then other times. But she is more then just a friend .. she is a spirit sister and I am so greatly and richly blessed to have someone I know that I was closely assoiated with in the Pre-Earth here with me durring these times in this earthly life. I dont know if she will ever read this, but, she is what is keeping me holding on right now.


<3 Erin Christina