Eternal

If there is anything in my life that I feel strongly about it is family.

I write a lot about my family that people miss read. When I write I am getting out frustrations. I am not saying I hate my dad, but I am saying what had happened between him and I that day. I write a lot about how I do not feel part of my family. That is true, and then eople get upset with me for writing such things and saying How could you say such things about your family?!!
I have one thing to say back to them, HAVE YOU EVER MET MY FAMILY? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN US AS ONE UNIT?!
There are few people in my life who have seen truly into my eyes and my heart and seen how it has been broken many times and how I take my scotch tape and tape it back up from the things my family has said and done to me. Most of the time they dont notice the things that are hurting me. The pain that I hide as I sit there and find my self, even sitting next to them, in a different room or time. It like looking at a color picture of a happy family and everyone smiling and having fun and enjoying their company, but there is one part of the picture that is black and white. It a little girl sitting there as she watchs the family and sits there and eats in silance. The moment she opens her mouth she will be yelled at or made fun of, she can never say anything right. She is not married, she is not in the "IN" circle of her family.
I have talked to my mom about it. I have gone to her in tears and she has just told me that is not true. No matter what is true and what I "make up" in my head, this is how I FEEL!! I am human too. I have feelings. My blog is where I go to and let out all that is inside of me. This is called Erin's Escape because I run away from the world for the moments I am writing. I am able to say whatever I want to say and not be critized for it. You are the ones choosing to read this. If you do not like what I am saying then do not continue to read. You have to understand that this is how I feel, what is going through my mind, and the closest you will ever get to me opening up to you.
I'm sry, I have kinda gotten off topic.
I guess most people dont know to much about me. My life has taken many turns in it and how I have really been trying to understand me better. Why do I do the things I do. There is a good number of very spirtal posts on my blog expressing my growth and progress in myself.
As we are here on this earth we learn and we grow in everything we do. We are human. We all make mistakes. The most importent interaction we have with eachother is how we deal with the times that someone else makes a mistake. Do we take the time to understand them? Do we take the steps I learned in my communications class. Do we listen to the story, or do we make up our own? How do we react to the promblem? Do we try to solve it? Do we make it worse? Or do we just try to make the other person feel as bad as they made us? Do we take into account that maybe they didnt know what they did had an effect on you? Could the person of been trying to help you in a way and didnt know they had done something wrong? This doesnt only apply with people around us, but more so with out family.
The family is the most immportant thing in the Father's Plan of Happiness. The family has to work together as a unit or it will not work properly. After 5 1/2 years I gained a testimony of eternal families. If you ever wanted to hurt me in anyway then dont even bother smashing up my room. Destoying things that are of "value". Anything in my room can be replaced or cleaned up. You can buy a new floor because it is sratched up, you can fix a printer that is falling apart, you could get a new TV, PS2, dressure, towl rack, BUT you cannot replace people. So in order to ruin my day or hurt me in any way shape or form you take the people who mean the most to me out of my life. My friends and family.
As I was saying earlier my family and I dont have the best relationship, I am the black sheep. And even if I am not, it is not my fault I feel this way, it is how I am treated that I view it.
If any of you remember a post that went up in Feb. I didnt get the answer I had been looking for but stayed up a whole night reading talks about families. I know that the family is forever. I have been doing my best to strengthen the relationship with my family not just my dad, mom, Jonathan, and Ryan but as well with my sister-in-laws Courtney and Ashleigh. I strive for acceptince. I just want to be part of my family. To feel like part of my family. And even though I dont, I love them with all my heart.
While we are here on earth we are building up the kingdom we are building up our eternal kingdom. We are all going to be part of that, and this kingdom we are making down here sometimes makes me not want to be part of the eternal one. An eternity of being alone and rejected by my own family doesnt sound like something I want.
My patriartical blessing talks about eternal families quite a few times. That is something I am happy that is stressed in it, because it is something that I need to know and be reminded of again and again so I do not forget. I know I will be blessed with an eternal family and my family will be blessed because of the covents I will make in the temple with my future spouse. That in the Eternities I will enjoy assoiating with eternal families. I know that a lot of who I am and will be for this life and the life to come is baised on the simple fact and great truth that families are forever.
So take my car, take my ipod, take away my money, my job, my house, BUT you can never take my family from me or me from my family. You cannot take eternal family from me.
The most pain I have felt in my life has come from my brother telling me that he was never going to talk to me again. That he doesnt even want to be friends with me. That he doesnt even want to assoiate by the fact that we are family. That is how you can hurt me and ruin my day.
I have a hard time showing my feelings to my family, seeing as I feel alone and not as part of them, but they are my family and I love them, and always have, and always will.



<3 Erin Christina