the 3 weeks

So here I sit typing this blog post, feeling not to well. It hurts to breath and I try my best not to cough. My body aches and I dont know what to do anymore.
Is this punishment? What is wrong with me. I get sick for about 2 weeks every month. This is more then just, well, girl stuff. So now into TMI mode so if you dont want to read you have been warned.
My body goes into lock down mode when it is that time of month for me. Sometimes even twice a month it happens, and it really sucks! I have no warning sign except the week before I am sooooo hungry -- extept for the fact that I am always always hungry. Day 1 I am basicly paralized from the pain. I cant sleep that night either because of the pain. My back just hurt sooo bad. Also the cramps effect my stomach as well. I have the worst stomach aches and get slightly sick and feel horrid. Not to mention no matter what my whole body aches and is in more pain then I can even explain. When the pain goes down half way through the week, I start to feel more sick. My stomach and my whole body just hurt so bad. I begin to become weak and always tired. The thought of food makes me want to throw up and I am soooo hungry at the same time. my stomach has the feeling of somone punching me 24/7 over and over and over. It hurts to breath, my nose gets stuffy, and I devlop a cough. This lasts for another week and a half and then for the last half of the other half I begin to feel better. But its one to two weeks left before the cycle starts over.
Sometimes it is worse then other sometimes not as bad as others. But every month it basicly gets wrose. I cant go through this any more. It really is killing me. I "joke" around a lot how I hate being a girl, but really I am in so much pain I wish I didnt have to go through this. I talk to ladys who are older who these things start to effect them, but they can easily take care of that. I am 20 years old and bleeding to death and sooo much pain every month is killing me. I hate this. I hate getting sick all the time. I pretend like nothing is bothering me, but as soon as I am alone I cry.
I try to think of what lesson I am to learn from this. I look back at my patriachtical blessing. But really, there is only hope and joy found there. It doesnt tell me to watch out for this, or I might encounter this, or have patince in this. There is no speak of trails in my blessing. It is a blessing full of hope. It tells me of the great things that I will do and the great things that will come in my life and the great I will do with the gifts the Lord has blessed me with.
In a few days I will be coughing up a lung and not knowing why and just wishing for all this pain to go away. I know there is a lesson to be taken from this, I just havent found it yet. I hope to someday soon. Until then I can just keep pressing on. Keep endouring to the end. This is the blessing that someday will make me a mother. So I will keep fighting this, and if worse comes to worse I will have tons and tons of kids so once I am married I wont have to have a period ever again, I will just always be pregnat and therefor I wont have to go though my 3 weeks of pain and hate for life!
So yes, this was all a little bit a lot of TMI, but this is me, you read my jurnal willingly, you take what I write and you cant complain and tell me that was not something that I should post. You read it. The only thing I do is write what I feel, do, hope, dream. My worries and fears. My pains of day. My thoughts. My heart and mind go down in writing. This is my life. Take me as I am.

<3 Erin Christina