What do I want to write

I have lots of things running around in my head.

Thought that I wish I didn't have running around up there.

My faith has been totally in-trusted with my Heavenly Father. I know I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for him and the blessing that he has given me.

It is weird though, the last two weeks I have been more down on myself then I have in a long time. I haven't felt like I am worth much or cared about. I see myself walking down the hallway of the church alone. Sitting in a classroom all alone. I don't put myself there .. people put me out, I sit down and no one sits next to me. Then people get mad at me for sitting alone...whatever, church isn't supposed to be a social thing, it is to feel the spirit and learn teachings of the Lord and to grow closer to him.

I am so good at faking a smile. I am like a PRO at it. Like really, you would never know that I am dead on the inside, even looking into my eyes -- they lie.

I have now had one month of cramps. I hurt while I am sitting here typing this. I have been bloated for a month now as well. 1 week and 2 days till my doctor appointment.

My best friend is probly moving to Utah in 2 1/2 weeks...yay. I am so happy for her if it works out. I know how much better it is for her up there, it makes me happy to see her so happy. I dont want to be all sad and wollow in self pitty becuase something amazing is going to happen for her. It hurts, but hey church will now end an hour early for me, becuase I wont got to RS, I hate it already. I should be used to good things being taken away from me, though for the first time I didn't take this good thing for advantige. Come the time she moves, I will no longer have a social life, because well face it, the singles ward is that warm and welcoming and inviting at all. When I have a Tuesday or Wednesday of Friday or Saturday night off work, I spend it in my room -- well at least the last 2 weeks since Nat has been in Utah, which really shows that yea, that has been my social life, we are connected at the hip when we are both off work (at least thats kinda how I feel, I not talking about her -- for all I know she probly finds me the world most annoying person.) So knowing that she is moving feels like she is being RIPPED apart from me. She is moving 4 hours from Rexburg, which is where I am for 7 months of the year. SO I am flipping excited and happy. It however comes back to 5 months I am stuck here alone.

Sorry, I had to write out those feelings, believe me Nat I am so flipping happy for you, everything I have told you I mean 100% with every good thing, there is always a little pain, I just needed it out so I wouldnt hold on to it.

I know I am blessed.

I dont know what else I wanted to write right now, hunger has hit, its lunch time.

Write Later.

<3 Erin Christina