A Blog Post.
Why do I keep putting a new one off.
It is not because there has been nothing to talk about, because really there is LOTS.
So much that I have to update here.
My life has been consumed by things. Sometimes I just dont know where the time goes.
-----------------TMI POST-------------just thought I would say so you dont complain---------
Last week had to have been one of the worst weeks of my life. Ok not life but every night ended me crying myself to sleep. I finally have a doctors appointment and I am scared to death. I have been told by a few people they think I might have a cyst on an ovary. It is scary to think that this pain I have been going through could be something MORE then just that how my body reacts to my monthly (bi monthly) gift that allows me to someday have children. As I sit here writting that I am still in pain. Why is the pain not gone yet. I have been hurting all month. I have been putting off a priesthood blessing as well. What am I supposed to tell them, oh it is cramps and back pains. I just never know when it is proper to ask for a blessing. When I am not abusing the power these men hold for selfish reasons.
So that is a little bit on the pain part of my life, I go to the doctor on Nov. 12, and it just cannot get here fast enough.
Next step in Erin's life is the sleeping.
I sleep for 2 hours, I wake up, fall back asleep and every hour after that I wake up. People at work notice me getting worse and worse, bags under my eyes getting darker and darker. 2 jobs, an online class, and survis hours. Thats my life, am I pushing to hard. . I don't think I am.
I start to think, what lesson is Heavenly Father trying to teach me now. I am such a stubborn spirit I learn through trial. I will know something but wont really start to live it and do it until it slaps me in the face that this is how it is.
I dont want to get up in the mornings. I am just so done with living my life. I just want to keep the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Everything has taken every last bit of what I am. I end each day with tears wishing I could just have one night into one day that I could just escape. Life doesnt stop. There are people who have it WAY worse off then I do. I hate sitting here having a pitty party on my life. You know why. Most people dont know what I go through. I suck it up. There are many people who have no clue that I am in soooo much pain, that I am not sleeping, that I feel like I could just collaps at any min I feel so weak. I act normal at work and around friends no matter what I am going through to come home and once I am alone I cry and let it all out, cry myself to sleep.
So on Nov. 12th maybe I will have some answers. OR the doc will send me home with a perscription for birth control and say suck it up hunny its life. --BUT HEY-- birth control means I will save money on tampons every month right .. HAH .. what they are exspensive and I go through about a box a month .. it sucks!! -- and I buy my own, my mom doesnt buy them for me!
It is getting close to 1am. So I wont have time to say everything I want to say.
I have a post coming soon on my survis practicum hours, with the paper that is due on thursday, and a spirital thought or two posts. and Nov 12 I might have a post of answers.
<3 Erin Christina
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Hey girlie, Suck it up and ask for a blessing, just tell the guys it's personal the Lord will tell them what they need to know - if you don't feel comfortable asking your home teachers, ask your brothers, or Bro. May if your comfortable with him. It'll help - sometimes its the only way I can get rid of my cramps. PS cysts are pretty normal - very painful but normal - so don't be too scared.
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