what i know

I can't make the disision.
it is not mine to be made.
I have to walk up to him and say the ball is not mine to have.

I know...
1. in no way am i going to hurt myself
2. in no way am i going to hurt someone else.
3. the choice is not mine to be made when i have an answer.

I wont hurt myself, there is no way i can do that. I hold onto myself so i dont fall apart, who is there to hate if i am the one who cased pain to me, so i will be in pain and be hatting myself for doing to it me.
I cant hurt other people. Its not in me and I wont hurt someone ... more so i cant when i told them i would never hurt them.
I have my answer. The lord isnt changing his answer. yes its a good answer, and its the one that i did want and i am so happy for it. with the answer i have i cant do the oppsit of what the lord is telling me. I have my answer. I cant do something the lord isnt telling me to do. He doesnt have an answer and he needs to find it.

It came to me today though. He has so much going on, he needs to get everything together. I cant ask him to make the choice. you can go backwards. I know we can. But it will take trying as well. So i think i came up with it...(i forgot how much i love writing, i come to so many things through just writing out my feelings) For now for him in his life if he wants to be my friend then we will be that until he is ready and until he gets his answer. If he gets a no then hey we are friends, if he gets a yes then hey look the answer to my prayer is what is going to happen!! i cant beileve it took me this long to come to this. So we cut all romance and wanting..yes i want to be with him, bc i mean heavely father told me he was a YES! he has a big neon sign over his head. I want to be there for him, its up to him if he wants me to be there or not.
so take aways all the pressure of what we could or couldnt be and just be friends...could that work...idk now, my heart is just pounding so hard now..
I cant hurt other people. Its not in me and I wont hurt someone ... more so i cant when i told them i would never hurt them.

i will close with one of my favorite qoutes ever, and it makes me think of mike, its what he really needs.

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go"




oh ps...so whats up with this whole, i am fast for one thing and getting the answer to what i am fast for tomorrow today .. hah!! man heavely father...how you do work mysteriously...i love you!


<3 Erin Christina