shaking

Sometimes i just dont know what to do
the ball is back in my qourt

there is no way this will end with my heart in one peice.
i dont know what to do
i dont know what to say
there is nothing i can say

i cant take much more of these anxity attacks
these brakedowns
these pains
this skaking
this forcing myself to eat of not eat

i need an answer .. either A or B ... there is no option C
why cant i get a stright answer from my heavenly father.
i just dont know what to do or how to handle this.

i cant tell him certine things bc i feel like its not my place to say those things. so i bite my tounge

idky but i care so much and cant stop myself
how can i do something that is the opposite of the answer that the lord is giving me

idk what to do

i just cant do anything.
i cant make the move
i want to give the ball back to him but he keeps tossing it right back at me.
it is not my choice to make
i dont want to be the one to end it all
i cant hurt anyone
i know what heavenly father keeps saying
i know what he could do when he goes back home
i dont know what i am going to do
something could happen
it is all just up there
and i have no clue what to do
bc the lord isnt tell me what to do
i keep getting the same thing i have been getting for the last, what, month now.

my life is a mess

school stress isnt helping anything

im going to the temple on saturday and doing family names. and, see if i can get better reception there ...
what makes me think the lord will change his mind after giving me an answer .. does he do that? idk

all i can do is keep praying.