i like this song

so i am sitting here writing my paper for english and this song comes on my seconhand serinade sation on pandora and i really really like it!!!

The Only Song
by: Sherwood

And I'm ok
Seems I just needed a break
Sat down but now I'm up again
And finding out I'm alone
My friends left me behind
And into another town
Where this boy is not around
And I don't blame them
I'd do the same

And now I'm alone again

So I'll sing along to the only song I've ever known
And I'll send it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Those days are gone but the nights roll on taking their place
So I'm singing it out to the lonely ones

Hey, let's write the story again
Where I'm your lover and best friend
Pack our bags and we'll leave this old ghost town behind
And into another town
Where this boy is not around
He made the mistake of leaving you

That was mistake number two

So I'll sing along to the only song I've ever known
And I'll send it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Those days are gone but the nights roll on taking their place
So I'm singing it out to the lonely ones

Hey, let's write the story again
Where I'm your lover and best friend

So I'll sing along to the only song I've ever known
And I'll send it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Those days are gone but the nights roll on taking their place
So I'm singing it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

I am just so pissed off

I dont know what I did...oh wait I do, I didnt do anything!! my roommate Val has just been a major bitch lately and I dont really care that she ODed on pain meds bc she knew veary well that it was 500mlg not the normal 250 and she kept taking it like normal. I do not deserve to be treated the way that she has been treating me at all. I feel the evil glares and the way she has been avoiding any contact with me even when sitting in the same room. I dont appriate it at all and I dont deserve it either. The whole world doesnt revolve around her and she needs to grow up because I wont continue to bit my tounge and I will let out the stuff I have been holding in!!

and this doesnt even start to blow off some of my steam.


<3 Erin Christina

to much pain

i am in so much pain right now .. physicaly not emotionaly. i can barely think nad have to write a paper. i am sitting in the library trying not to cry i hurt so bad. i talked to my mom and she is going to take me to a dr when i get back home bc i am so done with this. i wish pain killers worked on my body. this pain has just been getting worse everytime since well high school. sometimes i just dont know if i can take it anymore. i hate having to be strong.



<3 Erin Christina

For You I will

Teddy Geiger

Wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room, yeah

That's what I'd do,
That's what I'd do
To get through to you

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will


well i tried to try, but it just didnt seem to work i guess ... dang .. sry sitting here listening to music and well i am just relating so stongly to everything!

The Best Thing

relient k

It's been a year
Filled with problems
But now you're here
Almost as if to solve them
And I can't live in a world without you now

All my life
I've been searching for you
How did I survive
In this world before you
Cause I don't wanna live another day without you now

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's
Happening to you and me

All I'm gonna have
Is all that you can give me
And I'll give right back
Everything I have in me
Cause nothing ever felt as right
As this does right now

I'll go back to before we met
Try and erase the past
Try harder to forget cause
Nothing will ever be as good as here and now

Cause when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"

And this is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's happening
This is the best thing (the best thing)
The best thing that could be happening (the best thing)
And I think you would agree (whoooaaa whooaa)
The best thing is that it's
Happening to you and me

Always knew
I'd find someone
I never dreamt
It'd be like this
You've surpassed
All that I've hoped for (and ever wished)
And I'm tryin'
So hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life
As good as you've made mine

This is the best thing (the best thing)
The best thing that could be happening (the best thing)
And I think you would agree (whooaaa)
The best thing is that it's happening to you and me

The best thing is that it's happening to you and me
The best thing is that it's happening to you and me

(The best thing) The best thing that could be happening
(The best thing) I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's happening to you and me



Sry i am a bit in a mood .. but i am good .. i love relient k and these 3 songs i love as well!

Come Right Out and Say It

relient k

I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable

[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear

I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up

[Chorus]

And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)

Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking

Who I am Hates Who I have been

relient k

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I just love Dr. Seuss

I know i qouted it on the last post but thought i would put more of it.

this is from Oh the Places You'll Go.
I love this book.
It means so much to me, and reading it really opens your eyes. I have been living off of one of the qoutes for about 2 weeks now.
Dr. Seuss's children books are more then just for children. they do teach life lessons.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
I'm sorry to say so
But, sadly it's true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.
On an on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

i wont tell you my interpitaion. if you want it then you can ask me but, i want you to take it into your life. learn from it.



<3 Erin Christina

what i know

I can't make the disision.
it is not mine to be made.
I have to walk up to him and say the ball is not mine to have.

I know...
1. in no way am i going to hurt myself
2. in no way am i going to hurt someone else.
3. the choice is not mine to be made when i have an answer.

I wont hurt myself, there is no way i can do that. I hold onto myself so i dont fall apart, who is there to hate if i am the one who cased pain to me, so i will be in pain and be hatting myself for doing to it me.
I cant hurt other people. Its not in me and I wont hurt someone ... more so i cant when i told them i would never hurt them.
I have my answer. The lord isnt changing his answer. yes its a good answer, and its the one that i did want and i am so happy for it. with the answer i have i cant do the oppsit of what the lord is telling me. I have my answer. I cant do something the lord isnt telling me to do. He doesnt have an answer and he needs to find it.

It came to me today though. He has so much going on, he needs to get everything together. I cant ask him to make the choice. you can go backwards. I know we can. But it will take trying as well. So i think i came up with it...(i forgot how much i love writing, i come to so many things through just writing out my feelings) For now for him in his life if he wants to be my friend then we will be that until he is ready and until he gets his answer. If he gets a no then hey we are friends, if he gets a yes then hey look the answer to my prayer is what is going to happen!! i cant beileve it took me this long to come to this. So we cut all romance and wanting..yes i want to be with him, bc i mean heavely father told me he was a YES! he has a big neon sign over his head. I want to be there for him, its up to him if he wants me to be there or not.
so take aways all the pressure of what we could or couldnt be and just be friends...could that work...idk now, my heart is just pounding so hard now..
I cant hurt other people. Its not in me and I wont hurt someone ... more so i cant when i told them i would never hurt them.

i will close with one of my favorite qoutes ever, and it makes me think of mike, its what he really needs.

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go"




oh ps...so whats up with this whole, i am fast for one thing and getting the answer to what i am fast for tomorrow today .. hah!! man heavely father...how you do work mysteriously...i love you!


<3 Erin Christina

shaking

Sometimes i just dont know what to do
the ball is back in my qourt

there is no way this will end with my heart in one peice.
i dont know what to do
i dont know what to say
there is nothing i can say

i cant take much more of these anxity attacks
these brakedowns
these pains
this skaking
this forcing myself to eat of not eat

i need an answer .. either A or B ... there is no option C
why cant i get a stright answer from my heavenly father.
i just dont know what to do or how to handle this.

i cant tell him certine things bc i feel like its not my place to say those things. so i bite my tounge

idky but i care so much and cant stop myself
how can i do something that is the opposite of the answer that the lord is giving me

idk what to do

i just cant do anything.
i cant make the move
i want to give the ball back to him but he keeps tossing it right back at me.
it is not my choice to make
i dont want to be the one to end it all
i cant hurt anyone
i know what heavenly father keeps saying
i know what he could do when he goes back home
i dont know what i am going to do
something could happen
it is all just up there
and i have no clue what to do
bc the lord isnt tell me what to do
i keep getting the same thing i have been getting for the last, what, month now.

my life is a mess

school stress isnt helping anything

im going to the temple on saturday and doing family names. and, see if i can get better reception there ...
what makes me think the lord will change his mind after giving me an answer .. does he do that? idk

all i can do is keep praying.

this for now

the ball is back in my qourt ... that isnt how the letter was supposed to work.
its up to me to choose what to do. I cant do that. Less physcal-ness is good and i am happy with that idea to be said. It will take a tone down on the attachment. but it isnt that i am addicted to "making-out" it is him that i like.

my heart hasnt been full for 2 years. a good friend stole a piece of my heart and left on his mission. he came back, and i have the mission piece back. I dont know what to do with it.

I have a gapping hope in my cheast.

I cant take my key back. It has to be given back.

You win some you lose some.

I just feel better after talking.

I am so greatful for the trails the Lord gives me, though right now him and I are having a hard time getting along, well its more of me. He has given me answers say YES!!! but he is not giving me what he has promised me. Many things this semester seem to have fallen into place from what i have prayed and asked about and now its like WTF what now.

A scripture came into my head today. He has given me something that I need to know. it may not mean that it can be mine now but maybe later, he is just giving me a preview. I just have to come to grips with everything i have thought about and prayed about and figuared out. Job 1:21 "god gives, god takes, gods name be ever blessed"

I am the type of girl who knows what she wants and doesnt want. and well, when the Lord tells me i can have something, when he tells me this is supposed to happen and promises me many great things and then i find what he has been talking about and he then takes it away, i guess i am a bit bitter. but i am trying.

but the ball is back in my qourt. i dont see how it can be. its not up to me to say what can be said when i know what the Lord has told me and what Mike has said about himself.

the Lord works in mysterious ways. I love my Heavenly Father. I trust him. HE knows what is best for me and can see further down the road then i can, so i take what he gives.




PS i have one of the best roommates in the world!! i dont know what i would do without amy. I dont open up easily but i know the Lord gave her to me becuase i need her in my life.


<3 Erin Christina

idky

but i just feel out of it
like i said something wrong
and i screwed up
am i just being parinoid again
i was just kidding around
was i taken serriously
did i mess up
or am i just being parinoid
i need to be talked to
with no answer
my mind always goes to the worst possible thing
this really isnt the best time for me to be feeling like this again
things were just starting to look better for me
and now
bah! why is like so blah!

ps lappy is totally gone
pps paul come home tomorrow. i hope i get to talk to him!



<3 Erin Christina

i just need to keep holding on

i just need to keep my head on straight and keep praying.
valid points have been made but theres no backing up from here.
i have gotten an answer
but its not like you can tell the other person you answer while they are still looking for one
it means a lot that i have considered a long distance thing or even moving knowing that yea it couldnt work out, but you will never know unless you try
he is just like me in how i think, yet he hasnt started thinking this way .. bc we all know this isnt how i always think.

I know that there is one piece left of me and then i am gone. He pointed it out, and well i know what it is.
Its paul. I am set on the fact that him and hidei are going to get back together, but part of me wants to see whats there after 2 years. i dont want to think this.

i try to tell myself the things mike told me. we leave and it could be a year. i keep telling myself where there is a will there is a way. i want to find that way. i have never felt so strongly about something ever.

i just need to keep praying and the Lord will point out a way for me.
were there is a will there is a way, and if it is my will and the Lords will he will help me achieve it.



<3 Erin Christina

Sry it has been so long

There has just been so much going on in my life lately.
I just dont know how to put my thought into words on a paper.
Things havent been easy lately.
My life is filled with school, no money, homework, trying to eat, boy-stuff, family stuff, friend stuff.
Sometimes I just dont know what to do about any of it.
I spend a lot of my time praying and asking the Lord what is right in my life? Am I making a right or wrong choice in this situation? What do I do now Heavenly Father?

I really like this guy. He makes me smile. I have never felt like this before. Everything just feels so perfect. But of corse this is my life we are talking about, where nothing can ever be perfect, there can never be a fairy tail, and I can never ever be happy. Ok that makes it sound worse then it is. but thats what you get from reading my thoughts. So I really like him. We have talked about a relationship, and I hope that is what we are still going for. The past 2 weeks things have changed. We took some big steps back and now I feel like I am stuck and nothing is moving. We had a talk. He doesnt want to get hurt, so he is playing it safe. I know that I would never hurt him, I would never think of doing anything like that, all I want to do is be with him. I have prayed over and over again, asking if this is right. This guy is the first time my heart and mind actuly agree on going for something. But I sit here and play the waiting game for him. But the waiting game is getting old. How much waiting can a girls heart take when she knows that the time is short. He has a lot to deal with, I cant push him, I want to be there for him. But if I am to get hurt..I want to get hurt sooner or later. I know I want to be with him. I am the girl who runs away from commitment and the R word. But with him, it seems right. I have concidered long distance relationship. I have thought about moving in with my Grandpa on my off trak to be up here when he is. All these things I have been though. And yet, I dont even know what direction we are headed. How hurt am I going to be? Is it all going to work out? Why cant I just talk to him about this? Because he doesnt need this right now, he has many choices and decisions he has to deal with and doesnt need a parinoid little girl bugging him. He doesnt need that. So I tell him I am here if he needs me. Yet, I wont be here much longer. We arent offishal. But he has my key, and I hold strong and true. Even though we arent anything, my thoughts and emotions and feelings are the same. I dont do well not knowing things, and this is just something I have to know. I wonder if he even knows. He doesnt need to deal with that right now, he has more importent things to deal with. So the true question is now here, this is what it has all come down to... What am I supposed to do? And in that I sit here and wait. I wait for a sign, a word, a..anything to tell me what comes next.

On a better note the wedding was wonderful! Paul comes home in 4 days! school gets out in 6 weeks. AND ... I dont have any idea where my life is at or is going. I will let you know what something happens.

PS my lappy died 2 weeks ago. Someday I will get back to this but for now I dont know when I will.












<3 Erin Christina