Why I didnt post last night

Last night I didnt get to a post due to hw, but i didnt even get my hw done...

I learned a hard lession last night, that i still believe i am learning.

Im scared that i might be home for a while come april..and i dont want to be. In order to save money i havent bought food since, well, since i got here..and I dont plan on it unless im on my death bed and i have no other choice but to buy food. well to save food last night i was starving myself. I felt miserable and couldnt do anything but lay in my bed and cry. I wasnt just hurting myself physicaly i was hurting mentaly. Kinda like right now my head is pounding and I cant focus on studing becuase i havent eaten in since brakefast (yesterday i at lunch and was skipping dinner.) like i said i havent learned my lession yet.

I am a veary stubern person and wont let people buy me things or pay for me ... so ya i have turned down food. I know i am really supposed to be getting something out of this, but not yet. To accept the help people are giving, but i dont want it, weakness is not something i like to show.

so i am scraping around. around 930 last night i at some wheat thins and cheese, half of an expired yougert, and some mini rice cakes...i finshed off the last bit of those things that i had. i finshed off my milk this morning. and have been out of bread for a week and a half now. oh what i would give for a grilled chicken and cheese sandwhich. i look at my roommates and see how much food they have and it really does make me want to cry. they have such full meals and such, and i have a few potatoes, a few chicken breasts, some ramen and instent oatmeil, and 2 pop tarts and 3 cans of tuna and some rice. when i am alone in my room each night i just cry. i cant afored to buy more food and have been praying and praying for help.

i have made up my mind. i would rather starve then have to go home in april. i can pay for housing, but not tution. thats where the helping comes from ... if people gave me money..i wouldnt buy food, i would save it for school. my mind is made up that i have no other option then starving, and hoping come march or april i can get a job, and pay tuition come april.

i just dont really know what to do anymore....3 more hours till dinner...when i will eat just a small thing of ramen.

i had a good blog for yesterday too ... but i dont know if i will even get to it now.

i should have another post with my BOM hw insight after i do that.


<3 Erin Christina