Sometimes I feel that I just cant be happy. Every time I get close or am just happy being with where I am at life, someone trys to ruin that for me. I hate it when people are mad at me. I could careless about me as long as I know I am not doing anythning wrong. I am a veary self concise person, I strive to be the best that I can be and hate myself when I do something wrong. No matter what I do, I just cant seem to do anything right! People piss me off sooo much sometimes. I just dont know what to do anymore!! ARG!!
I have a friend I get to see this weekend. It is sooner then I wanted to see him, I kept telling him I missed him and wished he was here BUT that I didnt want to see him till 2010. He is home on medical issues, and coming up to campus to see all of us and his brother (which is the person that I got in the fight with last night. I have this fear that he is going to say all this crap to him and then he wont even want to see me). But tomorrow night a group of us are going latin dancing and ballroom dancing and then Sunday having a big dinner. I cant wait to see him - unless this is something else that will go wrong in my life.
I know I got to keep a positive mind about these things and I keep praying for comfort and for things to be worked out. But it seems like the whole world thinks when something happens you pull up past and already taken care of things that dont relate to the topic at hand and just nail the person to the wall with all this invaild reasons and fallacys (my comm class is good for something!!) and then dont even accept the appology or reasons or anything then just stop talking to the person. It really is driving me crazy!! I want to throw something or screem or punch something but my phone took enough beat up last weekend and I need to stop with those things.
Whatever the Lord is doing I really am done with it. I just want to be happy and deal with school. I dont care if he thinks I am strong enough to handle it all, I am done, I dont want to deal with these things anymore. What more do I have to do? I am already paying tithing and fast offerings instead of buy food. Spending all my time on school work and praying and reading my scriptures everyday!! I am doing all that he asks me to do, and I just dont know what else to do...
Well thats all for now. That didnt make me feel any better like I had hoped it would.
--I am sry for people I have snaped at lately. My life isnt the happiest place I try to make it seem like. But I really dont need advice. My life has issuses but it is under control. If there is anything that i really cant stand is when people assume that I want their advice. "when you want my advice..." When did I say that I needed advice ... ?! There are just somethings that blow my mind sometimes. 1. I am not in a good mood. 2. When I need help, I go to my father in heaven. 3. When I am asking for help then I make it seem like it, but when someone asks me whats wrong and I tell them, thats me just telling them - I never tell the full story. 4. I cant stand it when people assume they know what is going on...you heard half of the story, you really have no clue what happened and the hurtful things that were said.
5. When I need someones help, I ask them, or make it known that I want it. 6. I ... I just dont want to keep going.
FYI: THIS IS NOT POINTING ANYONE OUT-it has happened many different times from many different poeple..so please think before you get all pissed off.
blah .. I havent felt to good about my body lately...I am so sick of me ... yes this is what happens when people bring me down like I have been the last two weeks, I start to hate everything about me. I just no longer feel like me.
We all make mistakes, why cant people be Christ like and forgive, they hold grudges and hurt people. So as someone far away or close is out saying hurtful things about me, I have already forgiven them for what they did to me, and yet they still are being hurtful over what I have been wrongfuly attacked for after I said sry for things that I wasnt totaly sure that I should be saying sry for but I did anyway.
Think about it, when you confront someone about a problem are you talking to them the way Christ would? Are you pulling up things from way in the past just to hurt someone? are you saying things to them that Christ would say? Would Christ adress the problem at hand like you did?
keep Christ in the frount of your thoughts, and strive to be like him, isnt that what we are here to do, be more Christ like, to be desiples of Christ?
Well this has gone on long enough.
<3 Erin Christina
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