I sit here just thinking about lots of different things.
All my worries and my hopes and well everything just sitting on my mind.
Saturday I was comforted by words said by one of my friends up here at school, though they were not his words, they were the words of the Lord. How great a blessing it is to be able to receive such a powerful blessing!!
Saturday my heart was heavy with fighting between me and my, well former, brother; my money situation, school, my father and how he was still looking for a job; and a few other things. The moment my brother had said "don't expect to hear from me for a long time. goodbye" broke me. I was sitting in the bath tub bawling my eyes out, and never before the thoughts of killing myself came into my mind. I was in the bathroom of an apt of 6 girls - there were 3 razors in my reach or I could hold myself under the water. I was trying hard to not pay attion to those thoughts.
Not only was I having those thoughts but my whole body felt consumed by the devil. It really was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. I started to question my faith and testimony all together.
Right before my brother and I had contuied of fight from the day before i was sitting in the tub asking for help, for everything to be ok. I was crying unto the Lord!!
Ryan took me out of his life, my dad still didn't have a job, a friend was still have major troubles, and so many things that I had been praying for seemed to not be happening.
I was crying my eyes out and couldn't stop shaking. I was so scared!!
I got a bit of composer got out of the bath and put on clothes and opened the door and one of my roommates was standing there and she embraced me and i cried into her arms. I told her what had happened and she asked me if I wanted her to call Sam to give me a blessing and I agreed.
I was able to stop crying till he got over to the house. I was having trouble speaking so I told him the blessing was just one of comfort.
I lost my composure during the prayer and the words that he was saying were just what I needed to hear. Those were the answers to my prayers and my problems. They weren't the answer answer but they brought comfort to my soul, and such power and light of the priesthood and Gospel and spirit could no longer dwell in my heart or my body, for the devil cannot dwell when the spirit does.
My blessing told me that everything would be fine with my dad, that everything would work out. My Dad had an interview on Friday and he got offed the job today and starts on Thursday.
My brother and I are still not talking and he still does not consider me to be his sister.
But I have a prayer that I am keeping in my heart for him and for I and through the two things that stuck out to me, forgiveness and the atonement, I know that things will work out there as well.
The blessing brought great comfort to my worries and fears. Yes they are still worries but I do know everything will work out how the Lord intends for them to work out and be.
Well now that I have waisted yet more time on this I will again attempt my homework, but some how know I might be posting on here again tonight!!
<3 Erin Christina
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