So my body thinks I'm Prego

broght on by a conversation that me and one of the coolest co-workers I have were having. funnyest qoute of last night "are you a vergin ... wait ... DUH yes you are!! I even helped you fill out the paper work!!" Victoria is one of my favorite people at work. So I started taking my pill sunday. And like magic on monday my period had stoped .. yes like MAGIC . or they turned off the fosset ot something. Everything seems to be going like what the doc said. The things it is supposed to be helping is helping. I will have little cramps here and there but not as intense as the past month has been. I am not feeling as bloated as I have been. So things are wonderful? Kinda. I am so nasiated when I take the pill. I have to eat with it or I feel worse faster. When I do get hungry the sick feeling gets worse. Dizzy and blahness. "Well your body thinks your prego!!" This so makes me look forward to having kids. I know how I am going to feel. My kids better love me for just not getting sergery done and taking away their opertunity for life just so i can feel better. BUT my body will soon adjust to all this and relze it is not prego and will soon no longer feel sick and what not. Gotta keep praying and just pushing through all these effects. Soon soon I hope These effects will wear off .. or Tali and I's trip to Utah will not be fun with a sick prego girl. ^_^
PS I'm not pregnant. My body just thinks that, dont worry, no roomers please. Though it is a joke at work that I'm the next Vergin Mary! HAH! I love my co-workers! Anyways. That is all for now. Just thought I would let you all share in the whole Erin feeling sick thing. I know I'm not but it is making things kinda difficult for me. But I'm a tough cookie to crack and I keep going through whatever life throws at me.
GOTTA LOVE LIFE!!

<3 Erin Christina

I Remember

I don't know why this has been on my mind, but it has all morning.

I remember the first time I saw you. The teacher called your name. I looked and thought hey he's kinda cute.
I remember you making comments on the pictures we were looking at and infering the meaning, and I remember me either challenging them or agreeing.
I remember though a few classes how you slowly moved closer in on the row. I remember the day when you sat with one chair between us. I looked at you and shook my head "What? Do I smell bad? Are you afraid I bite? Well I don't unless you aske me too, so you can sit in the seat next to me." And as you got up to move you said, "Well it's hard to get up the currage to sit next to a pretty girl." I blushed and tired so hard not to smile, I think I responded with a "pasha" or "whatever" From there on out, we sat by eachother. I remember you making fun of me when I couldn't remember what row we sat in. Or the comments that Bekah and I made under our breath about what was going on in the class.
I remember that first day you sat next to me, and asked if Bekah and I wanted to watch the Odysee with you, that we could all do it together. You wrote it on the top of my notes. I also remember ripping that corner off so it was no longer there.
I remember feeling achevied that you asked us to watch it all together, becuase I had been trying to hint at it.
I remember going to devo with you that day. I remember writing notes back and forth with Bekah. I remember you seeing what we were writting and I knew you knew. I remember her asking me if I liked you or though you were cute, and I did the hand sign for kinda sorta.
I remember talking about how hungry we were in class and after devo you said you were paying and we were we wanted to go. We ended up going to wendeys.
I remember not wanting to sit in the frount, I was scared to. I remember that day it was windy outside. I remember walking to to the resterount and opening the door and my dress FLEW UP. I was totally 100% imbarissed! Did he see anything? Oh My Gosh!! That did not just happen did it?! I remember the rest of the day I had my hands holding down my dress.
I remember talking to you while eating. You served you mission where I was born. We started talking about Canada and candy and wonderful things. I remember finding out you were missing a leg. I remember how werid I felt around you. I didn't want to ask, I didnt know how to act, I didn't know what to say anymore. I didn't know that I would grow to be so comfortable around you.
I remember sitting there at Bekahs apt and she sat in the middle with the laptop you on one side of her and me on the other. I remember you put your arm up, I thought it was going around Bekah. Until I felt you running your fingers on my back/sholder. My whole body froze. I had to tell myself to focus on the movie. Don't react. I have trained myself to do that.
I remember you took me home from Bekah's so I didn't have to walk home.
I remember us pulling up and then you asking me on a date. A movie you had talked about how you were seeing it and I would then comment "OMGsh I SOOOOOO want to see that!" Yea I'm a treckie! I answered you fast then changed my mind. I'm afraid of dates, what can I say. You took my phone and put your number in it, then called yourself so you could have mine.
I told you it depends on Homework. I told my roommates and they told me I better go or they will be mad at me.
I remember I stayed up late wednesday so I could get enough of my homework done so I could go on the date with you.
I remember you stopping me after class on thursday because I didn't text you saying yes or no. I knew you could tell I was awkward. You aske if we are still on, I said yes, and you said I don't have too, but I said yes. You smiled so big.
I remember my roommates made you come to the door, they wouldn't let me out unless you came to pic me up.
I remember you were wearing shorts and flipflop...which made the date harder, becuase I was soooo awkward about the leg thing. I didn't know that it would grow to be something that was one of those little things that just made you even better to me.
I remember you kept trying to find out if I would react by you rubbing my arm and things like that. .. it all became a game, to the both of us. Durring the movie you turned to me and said in a scottish accent "if you get scared my hand is here to hold." You brought up holding your hand twice.
I remember after the movie you tried to tell me everything about me. And you were wrong. You may have heard me talking about missionarys, but none of them are MINE, just amazing friends. It wasn't a pitty date, I'm just date awkward. You did have a chance with me. I was just in my awkward phase. You may be able to read lots of people, but you couldn't read me at first. I block people out. I remember telling myself letting you in was the biggest mistake I made, because you soon figuared me out. I remember the night you telling me you did.
I remember the first time it was just you and I doing homework together. I fell asleep durring the video and you finshed it. You jut let me sleep there. I remember the next day us having that text conversation. I remember saving that 4 page text. I remember deleting it when I got home from school. I remember the butterflys.
I remeber the first time you held my hand.
I remeber the excuses I made up so you would come over and help me with homework in my technology class. I remeber that day that my flow was so heavy and I ran out of tampons and I leaked and had to call in val if she had any. She came back out and told you thats what happened.
I remember conversations me and my roommate had about you after you would leave. They loved you. They thought we were perfect for eachother. So they thought.
I remember the first time we kissed. How 2 laps around the block before you kissed me, you told me that you care so much about me that you werent going to kiss me. That made me respect you so much more.
I remember how I felt. we stoped and and I turned about and said something to you. There was silance. Time froze. My heart started pounding. You grabed my waist and kissed me. You had to come down a bit and I had to go to my tip toes. My foot poped for a few seconds but my whole body went weak and I was relying on you to hold me up. I remember biting my lip and blushing after you kissed me. I remember there was stars. I remember the place. I remembered the kiss every time we walked past it. I remeber on that last walk how I wanted to stop and tell you where we were standing. I remember the reason I didn't kiss you that night. You knew I wanted too, you told me too, but I wasn't going to kiss you because I wasn't going to kiss an ash tray, you had been smoking and I would not kiss you.
I remember getting home the night after we first kissed and my roommate going crazy. They knew we had kissed because well, I was glowing.
I remember how you respected me. How it made me feel. How you treated me different then any guys before. How you werent all over me. How it took a while for us to kiss and a kiss didn't just turn to a makeout with you. You were like no other guy.
I remember having the converstion about how scared we were about how fast we were falling. I remember making out in the movie theature when we went to go see wolveren. And also again when we went to the park that night I pushed you down on the slide and kissed you. I remember that was the first time I called you my Edward. That was also the night that I gave you my key and you gave me you knot. You said this is what I will have so you can always be there for me, until you go home and get what you wanted from there to give me.
I remember every feeling I had.
I remember how I played my game. How I would stand there and just look at you when I wanted a kiss. I remember knowingly doing these small little things to get things from you. I remember playing my little game, I remember not feeling bad for doing what I did. I remember that I was CRAZY about you. I remember you were the first guy I ever trusted. I remember not fully understanding why I played the game when I felt this way about you.
I remember the texts when you went home for the 4 day weekend. I remember what you brought back. I knew you had it. I knew that is what you got when you got home. I remember you holding me and telling me you were so happy to be back, because you had missed me, you had never missed anyone that way before, not even your family when you were on your mission. I remember that scared me.
I remember you telling me to close my eyes and you took off my rings and put another one on, perfect you whispered. I knew it was the claddagh ring. You told me to ask and you told me all about it, and that it wasn't mine ... yet.
I remember almost every conversation we had. I remember walking home from class. I remember all the prayers I said. I remember all the feelings I felt. I remember all of MY lines we crossed, that you said were ok. I remember how I came to trust you. I remember looking into your eyes and knowing I could. I remember falling asleep every night holding onto the knot. I remember the nights I couldn't sleep because something was wrong with you.
I remember the tears I shed over you. I remember all the blogs I wrote, all the letters and jurnal entries. I remember the feelings of hate I had for that Lauren girl. I remember how over time you told me you were kinda starting to like her too.
I remember it all, all the things you think I didn't know and how I knew them. All the times that you weren't telling the full truth. I remember feeling us drift apart. But I remember how panicted you got when I told you WE HAVE TO TALK, because you think of the worst thing first, just like me.
I remember the more you opened up, the more I fell. I remember seeing everyside of you, you telling me that you don't ever do this with people. I remember seeing you cry on a few occasions. I remember when you were crashing when we went to the ice caves because your blood sugar level was down. I remember how scared I was. I remember you told me that you were on your way to IF to see the doctor and wouldnt make it to class because you broke your foot (the fake one) and I couldn't do anything becuase I was in IF at the airport going home for my brothers wedding. I remember you had to call me. You knew I would start flipping out.
I remember all the good, and all the bad. I remember the last time I saw you and you droped me off after taking me to the post office, I didn't give you a hug, I didn't say goodbye, I got out and said "Thanks" and I for the fist time I didn't turn around, I just walked to my door.
I remember all the times that we couldn't say goodbye or goodnight. How you would honk at me or whistle as I walked about from your car. I remember all the meals we made, I remember how I loved to hear you pray. I remember our studing for our tests in class.
I remember when I started to feel awkward again.
I remember wishing so hard for you to rip my heart and out crush it. You knew it was there, and I knew you couldn't take it.
I remember I knew when you were doing something you weren't supposed too, like smoking again. I remember just knowing something was wrong. I remember feeling horrible when you weren't happy and things were going wrong.
I remember fasting and praying for you.
I remember everything that happened with us. I remember it all.
I remember hating you, but the moment we were together I just couldn't any more.
I remember the last converstation we had that last walk we went on. The promise we made that we wouldn't talk of us. That we could be friends. That who knows in a few months, it could be the right time for us.
I remember getting home and my brother going off about how much he hates you. I remember holding back the tears. I remember him wanting to rip the knot off. I remember him telling me I was stupid. I remember him saying how he wanted to beat up the criple.
I remember the mistakes I made from states away.
I remember the texts, the weekend I went crazy because we were texting nonstop. I remember the pics I sent you, the pics you sent me. I remember the feelings I felt. I remember lying to you. I remember sitting there texting you through a movie with a friend, texting that should not have been done.
I remember thinking, in just wanting you so bad that I compromised all the things I was supposed to be to you. That good person who doesn't make you fall back into old habbits. I remember talking to my bishop after that weekend. I didn't tell him about the texts or the pics. I remember telling him how I felt about you. I remember him ripping you apart. I remember him telling me I don't know how to pray.
I remember typing up many texts and not sending them. I remember typing up a bunch of letters and not sending them. I remember taking off the knot for a day and couldn't do it. I remember the letter I typed up and how I felt after Natalia sent it. I remember the responce you gave me...

"When ur back here well talk bout it. I'm not asking u to wait for me and I'm not waiting for u. Lots has changed in past few months."

I'm not the same person I was back then either. I have grown and I know now that I wasn't emotionly stable enough for a relationship, I didn't know me well enough, I liked to fool around and flirt, and I wasn't ready to date anyone.
I dont know if we are going to be with eachother. I don't know if you still wear my key or think of me. I don't know what I am going to say when I see you agian. Do I take the knot off ahead of time and be prepared to give it back. I can say it will be a relife. We both have grown and lots have changed.
I remember telling you once, that you were too good to be true in my life, my life doesn't get YOUs. I'm not the type of girl your type of guy goes for. I think I am right. This whole thing was too good to be true.

So here is to in a few weeks when I will be back in Rexburg. I will see you again. It will either be happy, or it will be sad. But I will remember, I will remember it all.

<3 Erin Christina

Don't Know if you Care

I had my doctor appt last week. and the best part (not really) about it was 2 hours before the appt the wonderful gift that each woman gets that lets us all know someday she will be able to have a child came. yay!

But I still went in and talked to my doctor, I really like her, I felt comfortable.

I told her everything that goes on, and she said it could be one of three things, and that the "cure" for all of them is birth control. Yup thats right, if I wanted to say screw it to all my beliefs right now, I am protected from getting prego! HAH. The doctor had to say all the things that the birth control will do for me and what not and every time she came to something about sex she had to add in "...not that this applies to you..." It kinda made me laugh.

So the birth control is supposed to help the pain. Though I know it is not going to take it all away, though I wish it would, but as long as it is less intense. It should help with the flow, since mine is fricken heavy. It will regulate me because my period is just like me, not like everyone else! It should balance out my hormone levels so no more flipping out over trail mix or little things, I wont be on edge anymore. There are other things it should be helping with too. Like if I do have ovarian cysts it should help get rid of those. or if it is one of the other things that she said, where when i bleed it gets out and goes around my uterus -- or something like that .. it was a really long word. Both of those things are what I have the symptoms for. I am really hoping the birth control works, or well we get to have tests run, and well I don't have time, I leave in 44 days.

This morning I woke up and felt like I was going to throw up. I haven't thrown up since high school freshman year. I got my wisdom teeth out and the stuff made me sick. my body doesn't like to throw up, but I was gagging over the toilet and went pale. I spit a few times and felt better. I am hoping and praying its not the birth control doing it, but I will have to wait a week or so to see if I get sick off of this or if it is just the fact I ate too much at our Non-Thanksgiving dinner last night.

Just so you know, I'm not dying, at least we don't think so. These cramps still hurt and my back as well, but hopefully that will go away soon. ^_^

Pressing forward with faith in my Heavenly Father, everything will work out according to his plan.

<3 Erin Christina

For Good

All things happen for a reason. Everything is part of the Lord great and wonderful plan. No matter how painful something might be, an eternal perspective must be taken.

At times you might feel like you are limited, that there isnt anything you can do. that you are locked in a box and have no way of choosing anything, because there is nothing.
Its normal to compare out lives to others and wish that we could have that power and strength that they have. That they are free to do and choose whatever they want.

I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do!
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...


A friend isnt just given to you for no reason. Each person in your life is for a reason, to teach you something new, or strengthen a truth you knew all along, or bring out the you that you never thought you could be. TRUST, COMMUNICATION, HOPE, FAITH, HEART, BELIFE, COMPASSION, SMILE, LOVE... the list goes on and on and on.


I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
I came home no knowing where my life was going to be placed in the huge mess of what our singles ward is. Would I be sitting alone? Was coming home dumb? Would I spend all my free time just laying in my bed looking on how unimportent my life is? Would I have any friends in this ward? Most of the time the college kids are friends and in the group with those of their school, no one wants to mess with those who arnt in the ward for that long. FIVE MONTHS I am forced to be here in this place, in this ward where people look at me always judging, where roomers are their favorite past time, where I am invisable to most people. BUT I gave my trust to the Lord, if I was supposed to come home it was for a reason. I was falling apart up at school and had no support. I had those friends, but what I was going through I just couldnt be helped. There are people in the world meant to impact you, and you have to give them the chance!! I don't know how it happened, it was almost like it happened over night, but I went from just a friend to BEST FRIENDS with an amazing spirit. Someone who I knew I would hate to leave by going back to school, but it seems she is the one leaving first.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

How do you say goodbye to a friend like this. To someone how has changed your life. Someone who helped you be who you are, and what you were ment to be. Someone who taught you so many things, and grew to be your best friend, and once they arent there any more what is there here? LIVE LIFE. DONT CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK OR SAY. BE YOURSEFLF. YOU WERE MADE TO BE YOU NOT SOMEONE ELSE.

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

BUT who gives anyone the right to take someone out of someones life? You are the one who chooses to stay friends and keep it going. What is distance. So many friends all over the world and not a day goes by that they arnt on my mind. That I dont take the time out to talk to them. It can work. A friend is someone who comes into your life, and is there all your life, UNLESS you choose to let them go. My life has been rethought about and brought into light and worth has been remembered.
Because I know you NATALIA ANGELICA MAY
I have been changed for good

I cannot wait till our Utah trip, I cannot wait till January when we will be four hours away. I cannot wait for our Idaho/Utah trips and partys , I cannot wait to continue on this adventure called life with you in the seat of best friend. No matter where we are in the world, you have placed your hand on my heart, and I hope I have done the same in your life.

Here is to life, and that of it that hasnt been lived yet, and to sharing it with such an amazing friend, in both of our adventures!

<3 Erin Christina

This is how homework sounds when done at Midnight

This last summer in my English 311 class I wrote a paper on how permissive parenting can affect a child and through research I came to the conclusion that the way that I child is raised effects how they grow up and act in many different aspects of their life, school being one of them. When reading my research proposal my teacher asked what this had to do with being a teacher, how it affected the classroom, and my response was simply that to understand why a child acts the way they do, its important to see where they are coming from.
In chapter seven there are examples of students coming from different households, backgrounds, and parents which affects each student and is reflected in their actions. Every teacher will have students like this, there are no exceptions, if you are a teacher, you will have students who cause trouble or are just plain trouble and you need to understand why and how to be able to help the child grow and progress. A good quote to keep in mind when thinking about how to act with the students who seem to be troublesome was said by Russell M. Nelson about tolerance. “We must recognize at the outset that there is a difference between tolerance and tolerate. Your gracious tolerance for an individual does not grant him or her license to do wrong, nor does your tolerance obligate you to tolerate his or her misdeed.” It really is shared there about handling a student who acts out, we must be patient with them and help them understand what they are doing is wrong, but cannot just let it slide by that they are misbehaving. Really something like this has to be thought about by the teacher on how to handle. Everyone can have a different and correct way to deal with a student.
“The most important characteristic students looked for in their teachers was “caring”. Students evaluated their teachers’ level of caring by the time they dedicated to their students, their patience, how well they prepared their classes, and how they, made class interesting”. The book sated that in chapter eight when it talked about Teachers, School, and Caring. It is my belief that we as teachers need to have a good strong relationship with our students. They trust us, as long as they believe they can. We really are judged. I knew what teachers I could and couldn’t talk to, what rooms I felt more comfortable in, the classes I enjoyed going too. As the student trusts us and knows they are safe, the parents will as well trust. I cannot fully explain it in my words but rather let Russell M. Nelson close out my thoughts with one short quote that really says it all about parent teacher relationship. “Parental love includes gratitude for service extended to any of their children, especially in their time of need.




<3 Erin Christina

Sunday School

What a day today was.
I am so blessed to be alive.
For starters, I have spent now 2 full days with Natalia and going to for the 3rd sleepover in a row with her. I love this Chick TO DEATH!!! I might just die when she leaves in less then a month. DIE I SAY!!
Now to my day.
Really it all comes down to sunday school today at church.
Today we talked about the priesthood and blessings. I had left the class because we all know how I have been sick lately and I just can't take it any more. My hormones are all outa wack. I snap at the smallest thing and am totally on edge with any/everyone.
So I walked back into class and Natalia is sharing a story about a priesthood blessing. She had told me the story before and so I knew what we were talking about in the class. I was totally consumed by the spirit. I could not control my emotions. My hand shot up at one point because I had to share my thoughts on priesthood blessings.
Yes everyone talks about the wonderful mericals they have had from blessings of healing .. I mean, my life is a true fact about one of those. When my mom was pregnate with me there were complications. My mom was loosing lots of blood and was sick. My father gave her a blessing and in that blessing she has the choice of keeping the baby and getting rid of the baby. Her pregnacy wasnt easy, but she chose to keep the unborn child. And I was born. Sry thats like the super cliff note version of it. But really the story is better coming from my mom. I think I will ask her to tell me of it again.
From other posts you know how hard it is for me to ask for a blessing. I dont know why but I just cant ask a guy to give me a blessing. My reason isnt good enough. It is not blessing worthy. I am scared to death that something might be wrong with me. I really just want them to tell me that I am crazy and to go see someone about mental issues becuase I am perfectly normal and being a baby and its all up in my head.
There are posts I am sure that dive into detail about what life was for me back at the start of the year. The warrent for the arrest. The fights with my dad. The fights with Ryan. The fight with Jonathan. Having no family basicly. Ryan disowned me as his sister. I was going through depression to the point of sitting in the bath tub one day considering how to kill myself. YES I WAS THINKING THAT!! I was lost and didnt know what to do anymore. I just could not take the trial i was going through, I was not strong enough and I was failing. I was bawling. I got out and dressed and tried to stop crying. I opened the door and my roommate Jess was there and I fell into her arms crying. She asked me if she wanted her to call Sam for a blessing (btw, this girl herslef was a blessing to me. I dont know what I would of done without her) I said yes. Sam came over and gave me a blessing. HE KNEW NOTHING of the warrent, of the fights and the disowning of family. BUT Sam said what needed to be said to me. He said what I needed to hear. What he said TRUELY was a blessing from Heavenly Father and him being the mouth peice. There were things said about my dad, "everything will be alright" those words stuck with me for the semester. I believed them. Everything didnt get better right off the bat BUT they did get better, slowly, but they got better.
Where would I be without the priesthood? I dont even want to think about it. I dont use it as much as I should, I know, and it is something that one day I will learn to use to my advantige when I do need a blessing.
After class, with tear filled eyes, I went to Grant and Seth and asked for a blessing of comfort. The lesson to day was a real eye opener and slap in the face telling me I needed one.
I am SCARED TO DEATH about my appointment on thursday. But I know what they find is something to help me. Yea, it could be a cyst, there could be something wrong with the way my body works, WHO KNOWS. But my blessing today brought peace. What happens, is to teach me. Heavenly Father doesnt like seeing me in pain, and what the docter finds out will help me to not hurt anymore. The things that happen to me will help me learn and grow. I need to go into this appointment with my head held high, and what the doc tells me is what it is. There is something to learn, maybe someone I am supposed to teach and help through this in their life. I teach through experince. The spirit teaches me and helps me understand, the pain, the sorrow, the joys, everything through me going through it. "The Lord will help you to find those who have the need and enable you to recongnize how you may assist them."
So yet again, Heavenly Father is preparing me for something new to learn. I mean, the spirit teaches me everyday. So come on life, throw me your best shot. I know everything will be alright. Through the blessing Grant gave me today and my P.B. I have the strength the face Thursday, and get better.
I love the priesthood. This is my testimony. The blessings are from God, and he knows what we need to hear even if the person who is giving the blessing doesnt.
I love this church I am apart of, it has blessed me in many ways, many, MANY ways.
I would be lost without this guidence I have for this day and age. I love my Heavenly Father and my family and my friends who strengthen and lift me up. And for those worthy priesthood holders who are able to give me a blessing in my time of need, to hold me together, to keep me going, to hold strong.
I love you all.

<3 Erin Christina

Why is it so hard to tell someone you like them

Why can't I tell someone that I like them.
Why do I hold on to the past.
It is over, why do I still hope there is something there.
I don't know why I pull myself away.
I know there is no way any guy could like me.
I do not want to get hurt.
I do not want to hurt a friendship.
I leave in like 2 months .. under that but oh well.
I like a guy.
I smile.
I get butterflies.
I get scared.
I pull myself out of a situation.
I run away.
....It is just my personality and his personality.

I got to teach today in the ESL classroom.
there was a sub and I kinda took over once I got there, helping out the sub and she just let me go with it. It felt so good. I know how the class is run. I have observed for 3 weeks and I know how Leslie does the story and the rules of the classroom. So I jumped in and did the work with the class and I feel so accomplished. It felt so right and I FINALLY got the class to respond to me. They partcipated and they answered my questions and they did not hang me out to dry like they did my first day when Leslie had me just jump in and read the story with her 4th period after seeing how she did it with her 3rd period.
It was just amazing the experince I had today. I loved every last min of it. I am going to be a teacher someday and cannot wait to teach. It feels so right and my life has been bless in many ways through the time I have spent doing my practicum hours for my class.

OK so I have to go and give Grant the back massage that I promised that I would give him now that he is back. Plus if I lay in his bed much longer I will end up falling asleep in here .. and well that just wouldnt be good would it .. HAH!!


<3 Erin Christina

What do I want to write

I have lots of things running around in my head.

Thought that I wish I didn't have running around up there.

My faith has been totally in-trusted with my Heavenly Father. I know I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for him and the blessing that he has given me.

It is weird though, the last two weeks I have been more down on myself then I have in a long time. I haven't felt like I am worth much or cared about. I see myself walking down the hallway of the church alone. Sitting in a classroom all alone. I don't put myself there .. people put me out, I sit down and no one sits next to me. Then people get mad at me for sitting alone...whatever, church isn't supposed to be a social thing, it is to feel the spirit and learn teachings of the Lord and to grow closer to him.

I am so good at faking a smile. I am like a PRO at it. Like really, you would never know that I am dead on the inside, even looking into my eyes -- they lie.

I have now had one month of cramps. I hurt while I am sitting here typing this. I have been bloated for a month now as well. 1 week and 2 days till my doctor appointment.

My best friend is probly moving to Utah in 2 1/2 weeks...yay. I am so happy for her if it works out. I know how much better it is for her up there, it makes me happy to see her so happy. I dont want to be all sad and wollow in self pitty becuase something amazing is going to happen for her. It hurts, but hey church will now end an hour early for me, becuase I wont got to RS, I hate it already. I should be used to good things being taken away from me, though for the first time I didn't take this good thing for advantige. Come the time she moves, I will no longer have a social life, because well face it, the singles ward is that warm and welcoming and inviting at all. When I have a Tuesday or Wednesday of Friday or Saturday night off work, I spend it in my room -- well at least the last 2 weeks since Nat has been in Utah, which really shows that yea, that has been my social life, we are connected at the hip when we are both off work (at least thats kinda how I feel, I not talking about her -- for all I know she probly finds me the world most annoying person.) So knowing that she is moving feels like she is being RIPPED apart from me. She is moving 4 hours from Rexburg, which is where I am for 7 months of the year. SO I am flipping excited and happy. It however comes back to 5 months I am stuck here alone.

Sorry, I had to write out those feelings, believe me Nat I am so flipping happy for you, everything I have told you I mean 100% with every good thing, there is always a little pain, I just needed it out so I wouldnt hold on to it.

I know I am blessed.

I dont know what else I wanted to write right now, hunger has hit, its lunch time.

Write Later.

<3 Erin Christina