I can turn my heart around with just one step.

Dear Sir,
One year ago today we met.  Well, at least one year ago I first saw you.  I can't believe all that has happened in this last year between you and me.  One year ago I wanted nothing but to be with you, and look at where that got me.  I tried so hard to be that girl that you needed in your life, and I have now turned into the last thing you need in your life now.  I changed for you, to be with you, why did I do that. 
But now I am going to try to change back. 
I know it is going to be hard
I know that I am risking so much, but all that I did to be with you was not me changing for the better.  I have learned a lot from you.  You will always hold a part of my heart. 
You said that we could not do things if there was an attachment, and well, there is, there has always been, from the start and I know I told you that.  I cant play this game anymore, I cant keep hurting myself for you.  I would do anything to be with you and that is the worst thing that I could need to do in my life. 
I am going to spread my wings and soar to higher things, the sky is my limit.  I still have that answer to my prayer screaming at me, but if it really is meant to me, then well let our reunion be a sweet colision of destenies. 
I will never forget everything that happened this last year.  I wish I could of been that girl.  The one that you would fall in love with, but who am I fooling, I knew from the very start you were to good to be true.  I wish I didnt have to write these words, and I know I am going to have to tell you some time.  I wish I could of stayed being that girl you needed in your life, the one to help you up hold your priesthood.  I wish I had stuck to my standards and know the things that I have to do and make sure you knew them too, not believe you.  I trusted you way to much. 
I can't keep going another year telling myself that you will eventually choose me. 
I have to practice what I preach.
I have to be the daughter of God I am suppose to be.
I want to go to the temple and have the spirit in my life at all times and I can't keep pretending everything is all right. 
I want to be with you.  I want to be the one that you call yours.  I want you to stop not seeing what is right infrount of you.
I can't be something I am not.
I am sry I am not good enough for you.
Maybe someday, when you are ready for me in your life, maybe someday we will be together, but for now, I have to say goodbye or I will lose my life waiting for you, and I just can't do that.
I do not believe in goodbye, so I hope to see you soon.  Enjoy the life you have now.  And when you are ready, I hope I can  be there for you, but I cannot make any promises.
I will always see you as a friend, such a good close friend, someone that I feel like I can talk to about anything.  You have no clue how hard this is for me.  I didnt love you, but it was something pretty darn close, and the heart brake that you fixed has come undone and I have no clue what to do anymore.  But I guess that is the way life is supposed to be.
Talk to you Later.
<3 Always and Forever,
Erin Chrisitna