Nausea

Yea.  It is back.  I feel sooooo sick ... no more pain ... but soooooooo sick.  ugggg.  I thought it was hard working feeling this way, now I am in school and homework to do while feeling horrid and headhurting.  I cant wait to have kids and feel like this times a bunch more because it will be for real and not just a pill. 
My body really does hate me.

<3  Erin Christina

Yay for new drugs

and no money.

So where to start .. today I got home from the doctor and checked my bank account and guess what it said.  checking: 0.00 
where did my money go? There was 38 in there on thursday.  I used 21 for Natalia.  My bank took 39 from my savings to cover a payment that went through right away and didnt give me time to transfer money.  (Natalia's gas hadnt posted.)  So since that would cover the $76 laptop charger I put $30 into my checking for when the gas money would post and would still have some money left over.  Today all pending transactions went though, and I have nothing.  It doesnt add up to me.  Oh well, I guess?  Is that what I am supposed to say to this?  Oh well?  I have no money.  Everything is gone.  There is like $1 left in my savings and I cant touch that.  Soon I will get a call from the bank saying that they can't keep my account open when there is nothing in them.  I will be getting charged for having 0 in my checking because that is supposed to always have a balence. 
Yea.  I guess that is life right.  I get to support myself on nothing.  And I need to buy food.  But even if my mom remembers to put some money in my account on saturday it wont post until next week, so I will have to go another week on trying to think of something creative to keep me alive.  I am used to it, but it is kinda like, hey heavenly father can I please not have to deal with 6 trials at once.  School and being poor with little food and this body stuff is enough for me. Did you really have to throw in the whole me going totally broke thing?  My drugs that the doctor wants me taking arn't cheep.  But, Oh well?  Heavenly Father I sure hope you know what you are doing, because these trials are really starting to scare me, you must really have a lot of faith in me and think I am stronger then I think I am.

So my doctors visit.  I almost had to get an exam done, thank goodness I am not sexually active or they would of wanted to check me out.  We changed my birth control.  It will give me a higher estrogin level in my system and as well a higher something that I can't remember what it is called.  She also gave me a perscription for some high does pain killer.  It is supposed to stop the chemical my body releses when I start my cycle that cause the major pain.  SO I take that the day before I am supposed to start and take it for 3 days.  And with this new birth control we are hoping that I wont be bleeding twice a month and that the crazyness that my body does will be under control.

We talked more about one of the other things that could be wrong that we really hope isnt.  It scares me to think that something like that could be wrong with me.  It is a big fancy word that basicly says that my body doesnt get rid on the layer of stuff in my uterus like it should and goes up into other parts of my body, that could cause the pain.  but the only way to check for that is drilling hole in me and I dont like the sound of that.  So we are hopping for Yaz to be my friend and work and fix me along with my new pain killer that I get to take 4 times a month. 

Anyways I need to find a skirt to put on and brush my teeth and head to class.  After class it is devo and guess who is speaking .. ELDER RUSSELL M. NELSON!!!  So yea, I get to be in the same room as him, I am pretty excited!


<3  Erin Christina

It is back

The pain is back.
It hurts.
I have to make a doc apt and start over from scratch again.
Why is this happening?
What is wrong with my body?
I got a blessing this morning.
Heavenly Father is aware of the things and trials that are holding me back.
That is the line that stuck out.
He reminded  me to use the atonement in my life to help me.
It has really got me thinking.
And has me REALLY thinking about things I am doing in my life.
And Then something that bishop said to us today in RS
Dont let guys use you.
I am aware of my choices.
I know who I am.
I might need to stop.
I do need to stop.
I know how.
But idk ...

I need to change somethings in my life.
I need to.
soon.

<3  Erin Christina

My favorite book

The Picture Book Everyone Should Own


Oh the Places You’ll Go by: Dr Seuss is one of my favorite books of all times. The book was just a book to me when I was growing up, but now that I am older it has become a light in my life. Dr. Seuss was an amazing writer and is one of my heroes and someday I would love to own all the books he wrote. In the story it may just seem like a little story about things that will happen when going around but it really is about life. The story takes you through life, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, ups and downs and all arounds. You make choices in your life like if you want to or not want to go down a street; you choose your life and what you do.

Life isn’t easy and it tells you in the book. Things will be going so great for you and then out of nowhere things can go wrong. “And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done” You get reminded and told that everyone has those, you can either stay there and don’t choose what to do and wonder around lost and confused, or that you are better than that. The book tells you and reminds you how great you are and that you are not the type of person to do so, that you will choose the right and find the light.

Sometimes you will be alone and sometimes you will be surrounded by people, sometimes you will do great things and sometimes you will do something no one notices. There are moutons to be climbed and this book reminds you of that. A quote I always have with me a lesson Dr. Seuss taught me “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the [one] who'll decide where to go.”


<3  Erin Christina

Worthless

I have just been feeling down lately.
wondering if I am worth anything.
I just feel worthless.
I'm not good enough for anyone or anything except for being used.

I think I am getting sick.
It hurts to swollow.
And well I just don't feel well today.

I am jsut so use to being used that it doesn't bother me like it should.
I just sometimes wish that someone would see what is right in frount of them.
What I would do for them.
But I am a friend.
And nothing more.
Except for well, lets leave that for not some people to know.


I.Am.Stressed.
School.Is.Killing.

My ride back here from Utah bailed on me...I'm screwed over big time.
I think I'm gunna go cry myself to sleep .. thats if I can sleep, those little "outtings" energize me and if I am close to sleep I am wide awake.
<3 Erin Christina

Running around in circles

I havent been updating and doing what I have been wanting to do. 
I am busy all the time have little time to sit around and just have me time unless I am sleeping.
I love life though, it is busy but I love it.
I am working hard on school but I feel like I am drowning already in a few places.
68 books I have to read.  Lots of everything in other classes.
I keep trying to clime to the top of the mt but I keep falling back down. 
So I am keeping my head above water and pulling through with the people by my side!
LOVE my roommies and our adopeted roommate .. my TAMI .. LOVE her!! She is over all the time .. we all feel like something is missing when she is not here.
So yea.
I do not think there is much else left to say for right now.
I need to upload pics.
and do more homework
and take a shower
and tell everyone I love them like 12 times.

I LOVE YOU ALL


<3  Erin Christina

1 Down 13 more to go

Week one is over.
I have a lot to do this weekend.
More cleaning and unpacking to do and so I can just be done with it all this weekend.
I have a bit of homework to do and wanting to get ahead of homework too.
So whoot, things to do.
I havent gotten to do my hymn a day like I want to just because of how busy I have been trying to get everything in life done.

So in other parts of life...I dont know.  I still can't really talk about it.
Well I am going to start reading in the Pearl of Great Price because I am starting the Old Testiment now. 
Time for bed.  Doing D&C homework tomorrow so I will be posting a new blog on the other blog.
I am also going to really try to do my first hymn tomorrow. 
Well goodnight moon.
I have life to figuare out.
Maybe soon things will start coming together and I can feel like me again, be more happy and out going rather then hiding behind a face.


<3  Erin Christina

On Your Mark, Get Set, *BANG* GO!

I don't know why but some things in my life aren't in place. Things feel right but wrong at the same time.

Today was the first day of classes. Tuesday Thursday I have only 2 classes, math and science. So its not that bad. BUT I will need that extra time for my 4 classes worth of howework that will be due on MWF. So I might go crazy with stress comming up. Also in 4 days I will be taking the last pill in my perscription and life will not be fun any more. Back to how things used to be, maybe worse for a little bit. My mom said she would find out how to get my perscription changed to somewhere up here that I could get it, and being my mom, she never did and even after telling her she forgets like 5 secs later. I love her to death though, but life is going to suck so bad once my perscription is out.

I am almost done with D&C.

I hate how something can be promised to me in my PB and I can read about it in the scriptures and so I ask someone about it and they tell me that they can't help me because it is things you learn in the temple. I MEAN COME ON .. it is in my PB and i REALLY want to understand this better, it is like they are telling me I can't learn.

But oh well.

I am so tired right now.

But life has been good.

I love my roommates.

Meet new people.

Seeing old faces.

Living my life.

Counting my blessings.


happy birthday Ryre.


<3 Erin Christina

So where to start...

It is a new year.
I'm on my own again.
A few things I have said I wouldnt do I have done. But I am growing and learning and trying to hold me in there.
I am slowly getting my heart back into feeling and not wanting so badly.
I saw Mike.
Hung out with Mike.
We talked.
I know some people who read this, so, I wont go into detail just because my brother who only takes my life into a joke and to rip me apart would use this post against me.
I feel so much better.
I'm holding myself together.
"The problem is that I still have that part screaming I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, Mike, I still like you..."
"And I still like you, or I wouldnt be here."
It could just be one of those things where he is messing with me but whatever. I am pressing forward. I am going to date, I am going to be whoever and whatever I want. Mike is in my life and that is one thing that I wanted above all else. We can be ourselfs together. My roommates thought we were something because of the way we were on the couch, BUT nope, just friends and love the fact that we are. All the drama and crap is behind us and it is back to normal.

I love my roommates and today was such a great day. We have been having so much fun. even though it is me and Amy (jrs.) and the other 3 are fish. We have another BUT she hasnt been here ... she is engaged and has been staying with the boy from what we were told.

I am going to start a new thing. A hymn of the day. Music is my life and a hymn that hits me and helps me though a day I will post and write about it.

<3 Erin Christina