So I seem to keep putting off

A Blog Post.
Why do I keep putting a new one off.
It is not because there has been nothing to talk about, because really there is LOTS.
So much that I have to update here.
My life has been consumed by things. Sometimes I just dont know where the time goes.
-----------------TMI POST-------------just thought I would say so you dont complain---------
Last week had to have been one of the worst weeks of my life. Ok not life but every night ended me crying myself to sleep. I finally have a doctors appointment and I am scared to death. I have been told by a few people they think I might have a cyst on an ovary. It is scary to think that this pain I have been going through could be something MORE then just that how my body reacts to my monthly (bi monthly) gift that allows me to someday have children. As I sit here writting that I am still in pain. Why is the pain not gone yet. I have been hurting all month. I have been putting off a priesthood blessing as well. What am I supposed to tell them, oh it is cramps and back pains. I just never know when it is proper to ask for a blessing. When I am not abusing the power these men hold for selfish reasons.
So that is a little bit on the pain part of my life, I go to the doctor on Nov. 12, and it just cannot get here fast enough.
Next step in Erin's life is the sleeping.
I sleep for 2 hours, I wake up, fall back asleep and every hour after that I wake up. People at work notice me getting worse and worse, bags under my eyes getting darker and darker. 2 jobs, an online class, and survis hours. Thats my life, am I pushing to hard. . I don't think I am.

I start to think, what lesson is Heavenly Father trying to teach me now. I am such a stubborn spirit I learn through trial. I will know something but wont really start to live it and do it until it slaps me in the face that this is how it is.

I dont want to get up in the mornings. I am just so done with living my life. I just want to keep the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Everything has taken every last bit of what I am. I end each day with tears wishing I could just have one night into one day that I could just escape. Life doesnt stop. There are people who have it WAY worse off then I do. I hate sitting here having a pitty party on my life. You know why. Most people dont know what I go through. I suck it up. There are many people who have no clue that I am in soooo much pain, that I am not sleeping, that I feel like I could just collaps at any min I feel so weak. I act normal at work and around friends no matter what I am going through to come home and once I am alone I cry and let it all out, cry myself to sleep.

So on Nov. 12th maybe I will have some answers. OR the doc will send me home with a perscription for birth control and say suck it up hunny its life. --BUT HEY-- birth control means I will save money on tampons every month right .. HAH .. what they are exspensive and I go through about a box a month .. it sucks!! -- and I buy my own, my mom doesnt buy them for me!

It is getting close to 1am. So I wont have time to say everything I want to say.

I have a post coming soon on my survis practicum hours, with the paper that is due on thursday, and a spirital thought or two posts. and Nov 12 I might have a post of answers.


<3 Erin Christina

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Sir,
How are you doing today? I hope you have been wonderful and enjoying you semester and doing well in all your classes.
Hope you have been able to beat those girls off with a good stick, a bad one wont effect them and much and they will be coming back more and more.
Make sure you are staying out of trouble. No trips to Vegas and having some drunken mistakes OK!!
I have been told to just come out and say everything that needs to be said, everything I talk to Natalia about. She one the one who even convinced me to write this and has been bugging me since I wrote it to send it to you. Right now as I am writing I don’t know if I will be able to just send it to you, I don’t know if I really have it in me to do so.
I just can’t really tell you everything that is going through my head right now. That why I haven’t been 100% truthful with you about things going on here back home…I’m sorry, but I really haven’t. There are many things I have twisted as I am sure you have as well.
I don’t really know how to say what is going through my head…even in writing it just doesn’t come out right. I can tell Natalia how I feel but she is a girl and well I guess we understand each other in that way that only girls can know without either of them even saying anything.
Amanda told me about the text conversation you two had. She said you didn’t give straight answers. She came to me with everything you had said and was confused. There was a reason I don’t talk to people about what happened at school with you. I talk to Natalia and I write in my blog. So people can read but they don’t really know and Natalia is there to kind of help me sort things out through my head, really just so I can get the thoughts out and start to just keep going. People ask about the Knot all the time. I tell them, what you told Amanda, a friend gave it to me. Except, you said to amazing “IDK, friends.” I think that is what confused me the most…and people ask me what happened to the key, and I tell them I lost it.
I am sorry if this goes against what we said. The promise I made that I said I would keep. That we would not talk about any of this. That is what I planned on doing, what I wanted to do, I respected the agreement we made, but Natalia keeps saying I should write the letter and send it.
So now that I have gone through this long letter and you probly won’t even read this far. You probly got to where it pass the line of the agreement we made and now your upset that I went against the promise, to stay friends and not bring any of this up. But here is the main part of the letter.
I would like to know your side of what happened. I want to know what it was through your eyes, from your mind. You told Amanda “long story. Ask her.” I don’t have much of a story to tell. Natalia says mine is one sided and incomplete. She is actually very interested in knowing what you had thought too. I don’t tell the story because people always ask Why this and Why that, and well I don’t have the answers.
I don’t even know if I will send this. It might just sit here forever. But if somehow this does get to you: What is your side of what happened?


Always,
Erin Christina

my paper for chapter 3 and 4 and Boyd K. Packer Talk

How would you modify curriculum without lowering expectations and help ALL children learn and achieve? How might this relate to your growing definitions of multicultural education and being politically correct?
Gordon Allport defined discrimination as “Any conduct based on distinction made on the grounds of natural or social categories which have no relation either to individual capacities or merits or to the concrete behavior of the individual person.” (Neito, 2004). There are too many teachers out in the world who discriminate in the classroom. There are those teachers who put down and teach differently to those students of different races and social standings just because they are a different color or come from a house hold that is not well off. These teachers don’t look beneath the skin to see what the student is capable of. The place where the most damage is done to the student is done in the school. “Institutional discrimination generally refers to how people are excluded or deprives of rights or opportunities as a resort of normal operations or the institution.” (Neito, 2004). The teachers treat the students like they don’t know anything. There are some teachers who tell students that they will never amount to anything, that they are dumb, that they should just quite school because it is doing nothing for them. They put the student down based on what they look like not the student as a whole. Multicultural education is not found here.
In my teaching I do not want to make the same mistake those teachers make. I am a believer in multicultural education, I guess my task now is to find the best way to help my class to be unified and be able to teach all my students in the best way that I can. I need to find a way to break out of the bubble that most teachers find their way into by discriminating against students. I don’t ever want to treat my students with such disrespect. A teacher needs to know each and everyone one of their students’ strengths and weaknesses in orders to best provide ways for the students to learn the best. In making modifications to the curriculum it should not just be for one student to learn better but for the class to learn. If changes were to be made to one student it would be pointing that one student out of everything, discriminating against the student. So in my classroom instead of just teaching one way of doing something I would teach a few different ways. It will help each student learn and choose the way that works the best for them. If a student needs extra help, I will be there for them, and so will the students. In my classroom I will have the students help and teach each other because I am a firm believer that teaching is learning. My students will all be expected to know the material, but if it takes some different way for the student to understand then that is what I will have the student use. The success of my students is of great importance and anything I can do to help them learn the material I will try and do with the student(s).
In a talk by Boyd K. Packer he said, “However out of step we may seem, however much the standards are belittled, however much others yield, we will not yield, we cannot.” (Packer, 2003). We are never to give up on a student. We are to try our best to always teach them, no matter what. Other teachers may be saying to give up on the student and just put them in a different program, or that you are wasting you time and they will never learn, you must never give up. Stick to your guns and help the student no matter what you need to do. The most important thing should be the student succeeding, and that is what a teacher should always do.
In my classroom I will teach all my students to learn, I will not discriminate against any student for any reason. They are all there to learn and whatever it takes to help them learn I will do. So, in asking how I would modify my curriculum, I would mold it to the students, teach them knowing how they learn and teach them many different ways. Like I have said, whatever it takes, I will teach and help and try new ways of teaching until the student knows the material.
Works Cited:
Packer, Boyd K. (2003). “The Standard of Truth has been Erected”. October 14, 2009, from http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=c291ee9ba42fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD.
Nieto, Sonia. (2004). Affirming Diversity: The Socio-political Context of Multicultural Education, 4th edition. Boston: Allyn & Bacon.



<3 Erin Christina

Im Sorry

A few posts ago I had a negative post. But what I post here really are my feelings. I know for a fact that if I had not said anything I really would of stopped eating again, or eating only like 500 calories a day like I used to.

There are some things about my body that should be checked out though I think.

I used to know what cretin things meant when things happened, but now I just don't know. It like my body is rebelling against me. Of course I am just paranoid and nothing is wrong, but sometimes I just don't know.

So yes this blog is short. I don't have much to say right now.

Things are slowly starting to fall into place. Like by Saturday I should be able to pay off my housing for next year. In a month I can register for classes.

Last night at work was fun. It was an AMAZING closing crew and Brad was closing last night. I just cannot wait for the holiday season to start up so we will be BUSY! Yes, it gets stressful during that time but work goes by so much faster. People ask me often why I am still working at Kohls when so many things go wrong when I work there, but I love the people I work with. They are my family. We all care about each other and are there when we need someone to talk to. I love working there, I love the people, the environment, and the clothes! I care about the store A LOT. It makes me sad to see things messed up and even when I am off the clock I find myself working. If I had a car at school I would try to get some work time up there too so I wouldn't have to keep starting over again when I come home (though I started back up at the pay I left at ^_^ )

So tonight I hope to do my reading for my online class. I hope to tomorrow, if not tonight, write up the paper. Also, I am going to make a new habit. I used to no matter what read my scriptures EVERY night up at school, so I am going to try this again. I want to finish D&C by the end of the year. I will be taking the class when I get back up to school winter semester, so I want to have read it once, then I get to read it again when I go back up to school then I can understand what I am not understanding. I really need to be studding the scriptures. I think that is why I have not been understanding what I have been reading lately.

SO, yea this wasn't an amazing thought provoking post, but it is I guess more of something for me, I needed to write some things down for my minds sake.

<3 Erin Christina

My Talk

I am going to go off the spirit on this one. I have printed out this talk but I might not say these words. This is what I wrote for my talk in Singles Ward tomorrow.

Preparing to go to the Temple

Choose the Right!! I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

To enter the temple is a tremendous blessing. But first we must be worthy. We should not be rushed. We cannot cut corners of preparation and risk the breaking of covenants we were not prepared to make. That would be worse than not making them at all.
I have learned a lot about temples this year from a super spiritual even I had back in march in going to the temple, finally, well, prepared. While looking over a talk I found by Russell M. Nelson, I laughed to myself only wishing I had read this before I learned the hard way.
I rewrote one of my favorite primary songs one day after going to the temple.
I love to see the templewish I could go everydayI feel the Holy SpiritI listen and I prayFor the temple is the house of Goda place of love and beautyI've prepared myself these past monthsthis is my sacred dutyI love to see the templeI go as much as I canI covenant with my fatherand I promise to obeyFor the temple is a holy placeI cant wait to be sealed foreverAs a child of GodI have learned THE truthA family IS forever

I spent well a long time preparing myself for the temple. it sucks it took me such a long time to enter those door worthy and ready but i made it. And my life really was changed, and blessed beyond belife
So to go into the temple we much be well physicaly ready. Yes .. I am starting with physicaly ready, and I just have two main points to share.


PHYSCAL
One prepares physically for the temple by dressing properly. It is not a place for casual attire. “We should dress in such a way that we might comfortably attend a sacrament meeting or a gathering that is proper and dignified.”
Within the temple, all are dressed in spotless white to remind us that God is to have a pure people. Nationality, language, or position in the Church are of secondary significance. In that democracy of dress, all sit side by side and are considered equal in the eyes of our Maker.
After I had changed into my white jumper I looked in the mirror, I saw myself dressed in white and felt so wonderful then saw my face and how much the world was shown on it from the makeup I was wearing. I don’t ever need to wear makeup like that. The scripture 3Nephi 13: 28 “And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.” Lilies are as they are; they don’t need anything added onto them to be beautiful. I am beautiful the way that God made me, I don’t need the ways of the world to make me who I am, I am who I am and I am beautiful to him.

Now to enter the temple you have to be worthy and clean and pure. Clean of sin and hold a temple recommend. Now there was a time that I had the questions answered and memorized so I could get in and out of the bishops office before he tries to talk to me…come on, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has done that.
SO to go into the temple we have to be spiritually ready. Without being that, we won’t receive the great revelation that is to be given to us. I cannot begin to explain the blessings that I have received from going to the temple worthily and ready.
It is just not in me to sit here and tell you what you need to do to be spiritually ready and worthy. I am not up here to tell you that you need to go talk to the bishop; I am not up here to say that I am amazing because of the blessings I have received. I am up here to share with you... well whatever the spirit prompts me to share.
Prayer.
Scripture study.
Questions.
The wanting to be there.When we got up there we were told it would be a 3 hour wait and that didn’t sound too good to us because we had homework and things that we needed to get done today. We considered not going and coming back later in the week. We talked about it and decided to talk to the other temple worker in the right part of the temple, since we went through the wrong door. We were there told an hour and a half wait and again considered it and I said yes we should so we did. That was the best decision that I think I had ever made. To me I was thinking I have worked and waited so long to enter into the temple worthily and I KNEW that I needed to be there more than anything.
Testimony of temple.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

How Do I Look

Why am I so fat?
I haven't weighed this much since high school..
Time to stop eatting again?
maybe?
Sounds good to me!
I will never get a guy looking like this ..
Not that I need one ..
But if I'm not happy with me, then I wont have any luck with anything.


<3 Erin Christina

Thinking of You

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minse one day, so I would never have to live a day without you."

The quote is haning up in the house I babysit...and I can't help but think when I read it. Why is life so complicated sometime .. but not at the same time .. just so .. meh .. why bother.

<3 Erin Christina

To The One Who Holds The Key

What would I give to just see you one more time.
To have you hold me again like you used too.
To stare into those eyes I love so much,
Those eyes that I can still see when I close my eyes.

What would I give to just have one more day with you.
To hear your voice,
Your laugh,
To see your smile.

What would I give to know why I can't take this charm off.
To know why I can't get you out of my head.
Why don't I know what is going on in my own life,
What price would I pay to know.

You dug deeper in my than I even knew at the time.
You are in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart.
I just wish I knew where I was to you.

We don't talk about us.
We are just friends.
But there is something else.
Something that just hasnt been said.
It eats at me.
There is something in your mind that hasnt been shared with me.
I know there has to be.

I have your knot.
You have my key.
Is there meaning?
Do you still have feelings?
Do you struggle like I do with this?

No you probly don't.
You live everyday and don't even think twice about me.
Or do you?

Do you know whats going on?
You have half the story that I don't.
I can't move on.
If you still wear the key then there has to be something in your mind,
Something that You haven't said,
Something that could bring light and understanding to me!

You never hurt me.
Why?
Is there something there?
Something you want?
I just need to know..
What is on your mind?
What am I to you?

...



<3 Erin Christina