This is my Last Summer

I tell everyone how I am graduating this next July.  I have all these wonderful plans made for my life. But what I never say is how afraid  I am.  I don't know for fact what Heavenly Father has planed for me.  I am not the person to look a year ahead of where I am and make plans for what my life is going to be like.  How do I know that something isn't going to mess that up?  I don't, and isn't that what life is about, expect the unexpected, be prepared.

Last week I compleated my Jr year of college.  I have 12 classes left and I am done with my degree.  I finshed off all my generals and could of graduated with that this year.  I finshed off this last semester with some amazing learning and growing experinces for being a teacher.  I am excited and ready.  I know this is what I am supposed to be doing.  But I still have fear in the back of my mind, worry, I have worked so hard to get to where I am, what if something goes wrong.. 3 As, 2 A-s and a B- (and I worked my butt off for those grades!!)  I have sacrificed so much to do what I am doing.  I have made some mistakes but I have corrected them and learned and grew from them.  I spent a year as a music major, what I had ALWAYS wanted to do.  It wasnt actully until Summer of 2009 that I offishaly changed my major.  I have come so far and I have not slacked off, I have worked and worked and worked. 

I have plans for my life.  I know where I want it to go.  I am graduating and nothing is going to stop me of that.  But in doing so I feel as if I am kind of going against things we have been told to not do.  I am putting off dating, relationships, marrige.  But that is the only way.  I cannot date while I am at school because that takes away from my studies.  I don't need any distractions from my goal, my teaching degree.  I guess it was just something that the bishop said to me today that got me thinking and a little annoyed.  I am not dating anyone, if someone asks me out yes I will go out with them.  Yea I look at guys and am interested in them but I have really never had the problem with that (a main reason I don't date is because, well, I don't get asked out).  He basicly told me (though he tells me the same thing every time I have come home) lots of girls think like you (not dating and plan on staying singel) and than out of no where within just a few weeks they get swept off their feet by some amazing guy and get married.  Too bad bishop doesn't  understand that I have ONE YEAR, 12 CLASSES left in school, I am not giving that up for marrige. 

So what am I doing.  This summer/fall I really have no idea, I am currently looking for work right now.  Jan-July will be my last year of school.  I will walk and do the "graduation" thing.  I will do my student teaching in the fall and right there is where I have no clue where my life will take me.  Will I be offered a job where I am student teaching?  If I am I will take it..so my whole life might be moved.  Maybe there I will find an amazing guy, maybe not.  I might be in Texas after student teaching, looking for a job.  I don't know.  I don't worry.  I just worry about my plans for this next year not going as planed.

With all that said, I have faith that whatever happens, happens because it is supposed to be that way.  If by chance I do meet a guy, and he REALLY wants to be with me he will wait till I have that degree in my hands to persue anything with me.  I won't do long distance, it is too distracting and painful.  Relationships just seem to hinder the doing your homework and going to bed at a good time idea.  I do not mind spending day after day in my room working working working, it is worth is.  While I am home, I need to get a job and work and work and work so I can pay for this next year of everything, no time to mess around. 

I look forward to my life.  I think back to elementary graduation, middle school graduation, and even high school graduation, each of those we thought was something HUGE and life changing.  Each was at that time those things, each were their own ending to a chapter in life.  I am about to close my college chapter and I am feeling the same as I did with those, excited and scared, thinking what comes next?...  I will let you know when it comes to that.

Well that is all that is on my mind for now.  Tomorrow I need to wake up and ..well I guess just wake up.  I have a wonderful doctors visit tomorrow to talk to her about how I am still in a lot of pain and none of the pain killers work.  She will than either just give me some new perscriptions and say "Try this and let me know after a few weeks if you are still having problems."  I am tired of them telling me that .. I WANT THEM TO TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG .. stop just giving me drugs actully tell me what is wrong with my body and why it flipping hates me and why I will lay in bed or sitting there or whatever and just hurt so bad that it makes me feel sick.

<3  Erin Christina