I Have A Plan

But I really don't know what that plan is anymore.  Butterflys, and I really hate them.
It is not that I HATE the felling of them but that I am not ready to have them yet, at least I think I am not.  Plus who knows if the other person has butterflys too.  One date means nothing.

OH .. I havent said anything about the date I went on have I.  OK, I guess I will tell a little about it.

One of my home teachers asked me on a date last week.  We went on a two part date.  He picked me up and we went and cleaned the church.  IHOP after the church.  We went to Southlake Town Square and just walked around and talked until he had to take me to work.  I went to work for a really LONG 8 hours on POS.  He picked me up and we went over to the Weavers (his cousins) and we watched a movie there (Zoolander wich earlier that day I told him was one of my favorites).  We cuddled.  We held hands.  We layed in the grass and watched stars.  He smelt really good.  He is cool.  We like a lot of the same music and he has really good taste in music too.  He makes me laugh.  It was a lot of fun.  He is 2nd date worthy..if that ever happens. 

WELL..I invited him to the condo next weekend.  So something will be with me driving there on Friday and home on satuday for me to get to work at 5.  So I wont be home a lone all weekend I get to go out there for at least one day.  (part of me kinda wants to call in sick to work but I dont have enough hours to aford to lose 6 of them.)  Anyway he said yes, he just has to ask his parents.  I think it would be fun to have someone there to hang out with. 

So that is the situation I am in.  I am giving myself no credit and saying he likes me as a friend/he has to be nice to me because he is my home teacher/he has no interest in me at all.   It is better to put myself down now so it dosent happen later.  ^_^


This post was supposed to be about Ben's Funeral, I guess I will do that when I get home from work tomorrow. 



<3  Erin Christina

One day here next day gone

Live everyday because it might be your last.

You never know when the last time you see someone will be the time that you are spending with them right now.

Last Tuesday I got a phone call from my brother telling me that our friend Ben was killed that morning in Afaginstan.  I hung up the phone with him and didnt know what to think.  I could not believe that Ben could really be gone.  I wouldnt let myself believe it.  I remember just bawling that night when it finally hit me that Ben was no longer with us here on earth. 

I cannot believe that Ben is gone.  I am so proud of him.  Ben was an amazing guy.  He never failed to make me smile.  I can remember first meeting  him.  I can remember all the crazy things all of us went out and did. 

It is hard to think that someone can be here today and gone  tomorrow. 

Thank you Ben for surving your contry.  Thank you Ben for your sacrifice.  I will never forget what you have done.  You will never be forgoten and will live on in all of our hearts forever. 

There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
Now what would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god couldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

I know you are in a better place now.  I know  you died doing what you believe was right.  Thank you Ben, Thank you for everything.
I am going to the funeral tomorrow.
 
<3  Erin Christina

A quick update

I am alive.
I owe a few blogs.
I have had a lot of thoughts and choices that have been throwing me off since comming home.
Sometimes I don't do the best choices thinking I am making a good choice.  It was in stake conferince today when it was said that sometime Satan gets us to make a good choice, but it may not be the better choice or the best.  Good, Better, Best.  I have been good since I have gotten home, but I want to be my BEST.  I keep telling myself I don't fit in at church, but I have been dumb because I do.  I have already experinced how amazing my home teachers are.  I am truly blessed. 

So I owe a few blogs.

One about guys.
One about my friend Ben who was killed last week.
Work.
SPENCER
and I am not sure but I do owe a few blogs because I wont get anywhere with these thoughts if I don't talk them out here.

Something that hit me really hard last night was something my mom said "Plans have a tendincy to not work out."  Why would she jinx my life like that?!  But I got a little taste of how plans can get messed up.  Oh my gosh my head is just going off about all of it.
I am sitting here now thinking with more of an open mind.  Come what may and love it.  I wont stop my life just for my degree.  I need to live my life and enjoy it or I may miss out of something important.

I am going to live my life the BEST I can.  I love the church and all the blessings it has brought into my life and all the blessing I know it will bring.

Well I got to get everything together and off to work. 

<3  Erin Christina

This is my Last Summer

I tell everyone how I am graduating this next July.  I have all these wonderful plans made for my life. But what I never say is how afraid  I am.  I don't know for fact what Heavenly Father has planed for me.  I am not the person to look a year ahead of where I am and make plans for what my life is going to be like.  How do I know that something isn't going to mess that up?  I don't, and isn't that what life is about, expect the unexpected, be prepared.

Last week I compleated my Jr year of college.  I have 12 classes left and I am done with my degree.  I finshed off all my generals and could of graduated with that this year.  I finshed off this last semester with some amazing learning and growing experinces for being a teacher.  I am excited and ready.  I know this is what I am supposed to be doing.  But I still have fear in the back of my mind, worry, I have worked so hard to get to where I am, what if something goes wrong.. 3 As, 2 A-s and a B- (and I worked my butt off for those grades!!)  I have sacrificed so much to do what I am doing.  I have made some mistakes but I have corrected them and learned and grew from them.  I spent a year as a music major, what I had ALWAYS wanted to do.  It wasnt actully until Summer of 2009 that I offishaly changed my major.  I have come so far and I have not slacked off, I have worked and worked and worked. 

I have plans for my life.  I know where I want it to go.  I am graduating and nothing is going to stop me of that.  But in doing so I feel as if I am kind of going against things we have been told to not do.  I am putting off dating, relationships, marrige.  But that is the only way.  I cannot date while I am at school because that takes away from my studies.  I don't need any distractions from my goal, my teaching degree.  I guess it was just something that the bishop said to me today that got me thinking and a little annoyed.  I am not dating anyone, if someone asks me out yes I will go out with them.  Yea I look at guys and am interested in them but I have really never had the problem with that (a main reason I don't date is because, well, I don't get asked out).  He basicly told me (though he tells me the same thing every time I have come home) lots of girls think like you (not dating and plan on staying singel) and than out of no where within just a few weeks they get swept off their feet by some amazing guy and get married.  Too bad bishop doesn't  understand that I have ONE YEAR, 12 CLASSES left in school, I am not giving that up for marrige. 

So what am I doing.  This summer/fall I really have no idea, I am currently looking for work right now.  Jan-July will be my last year of school.  I will walk and do the "graduation" thing.  I will do my student teaching in the fall and right there is where I have no clue where my life will take me.  Will I be offered a job where I am student teaching?  If I am I will take it..so my whole life might be moved.  Maybe there I will find an amazing guy, maybe not.  I might be in Texas after student teaching, looking for a job.  I don't know.  I don't worry.  I just worry about my plans for this next year not going as planed.

With all that said, I have faith that whatever happens, happens because it is supposed to be that way.  If by chance I do meet a guy, and he REALLY wants to be with me he will wait till I have that degree in my hands to persue anything with me.  I won't do long distance, it is too distracting and painful.  Relationships just seem to hinder the doing your homework and going to bed at a good time idea.  I do not mind spending day after day in my room working working working, it is worth is.  While I am home, I need to get a job and work and work and work so I can pay for this next year of everything, no time to mess around. 

I look forward to my life.  I think back to elementary graduation, middle school graduation, and even high school graduation, each of those we thought was something HUGE and life changing.  Each was at that time those things, each were their own ending to a chapter in life.  I am about to close my college chapter and I am feeling the same as I did with those, excited and scared, thinking what comes next?...  I will let you know when it comes to that.

Well that is all that is on my mind for now.  Tomorrow I need to wake up and ..well I guess just wake up.  I have a wonderful doctors visit tomorrow to talk to her about how I am still in a lot of pain and none of the pain killers work.  She will than either just give me some new perscriptions and say "Try this and let me know after a few weeks if you are still having problems."  I am tired of them telling me that .. I WANT THEM TO TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG .. stop just giving me drugs actully tell me what is wrong with my body and why it flipping hates me and why I will lay in bed or sitting there or whatever and just hurt so bad that it makes me feel sick.

<3  Erin Christina