i dont want to write this post

I wont have all that needs to be in here, I have been putting it off.
On Mikes birthday we talked.  I stood up for what I believed in, I wasnt able to talk to him before he started doing what we always did.  I stoped him.  I was written out of his life. 
I feel like a butt face for a letter I wrote him, asking him to talk to his bishop or my bishop will find his and he has already talked to him.  He is leaving and I will never see him again. 
It kills me to know the results of choices we make, even more so knowing I get to stay here at school, and he is sent home. 
He was already talking with his homeward bishop.  He he told him to stop, but he wasnt ready, I changed before he wanted me to. 
He is packing up and leaving.
He says it is all whatever.
Hey says I ripped his heart out .. I say whatever.  He destroyed me so many times, and from the blogs over the last year .. you all know that.  But that is what hurts the most "you ripped my heart out".  That is the last of the messages he sent to me "It's better if you go your way and I go mine"  He knows what to say to hurt me of just to get me to feel whatever he wants me to feel and it works every time.
It still hurts me deep down inside and now I am having fault issues, blaiming myself.
All I ever wanted was to be with Mike.  And now I will never see him again.
Everything happens for a reason.
The Lord has his plans and knows all that will happen.  Everything is to make us who we are and make us stronger.  Every experince is to help us learn and help us grow.

So ladies and gentelmen, I wouldnt be supprised if this is the last post about Michael Parkes.  The closest I have ever been to being in love with a guy.  He had my heart, he did.  I know I have his forgiveness and I cna start building everything again.  Will I ever forget him, no I wont.  He will always have that place in my heart.  No matter how much my friends and everyone hated him, he was a truly amazing guy that I did respect a lot. 

Here is to a new beginning.  Who knows what Heavenly Father has in store for me.  I do know for a fact that he wants me here, or I would be home as well. 

Happy Mothers day.
I love you mommy.  I am sorry for all the dumb things that I have done that has made you asshamed of me, but you never stoped loving me.
Everything good that I am I have learned from watching you.  You have been such an exsample to me.  I'm sorry that I havent talked you you about any of this stuff, you really should know, and yet I have shut you out of my life, and took my stress out on you today.  Mom I love you more than anything,  I really do, I am so happy that you are my mom, I couldnt ask for another. 

My life is a mess right now, school wise, it is a good thing I have things cleaned up so the only stress I have is school, and yes I am way stressed.  But I know my Heavenly Father is there. 

<3  Erin Christina