Do I know that answer?
Yes, I know who I am,
I am a daughter of God. My life has been blessed in so many ways. I look around and see the friends that I have and know that without them I would be so lost right now.
I have my friends up here at school, and those friends back home and I miss so much. And they have all blessed my life beyond belife. I have several friends serving missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the majority of them get home this year!! It is pretty crazy to think that the two years have gone by so fast.
It is crazy to think about who I was two years ago. What I have done in the last two years and how much I have grown. I have had many experinces that have shaped me to become who I am today. There has been school, work, boys, spirital experinces, and many things.
I may not be perfect, and I may not be the person who I wanted to be two years ago but the main point of it all is that I am who I am. My life and my choiuces have made me this way and have taught me what I know now. Some choices may have no been the smartest but there are some things that I cant seem to run away from. Some choices I am trying to figuare out why they are happening. There are some desions I make and then I go back on them or totally change my mind.
I am human. I make mistakes, I have fears, I hurt, I cry, I rejoice, I have fun, I have depression, I have an eating disorder, I am shy, I love to cuddle, I am a flirt, I love holding hands, There is something wrong with my body, I am on birth control and embarissed about it, I have pain killers for the pain that comes around, I act tough, I dont like crying infrount of people, I can be very closed off and not open at all, I love it when people visit, I love it when people randomly text of pop up on facebook to talk, I love video games, I love my Heavenly Father, I am greatful for the attoning sacrifice that his son, Jesus Christ, my savior did for me, I love the church that I belong to, I believe that my church really is the only true church, I love the gosple and everything that I have been taugh since I was young, I have hopes, I have dreams, I have feelings, I have ambitions, I am want to be a teacher, a wife, a mother, I am a daughter of God, I am in love with life and everything that comes, I am just like everyone else, I am different from everyone else, I have never been in love, I want to know what it is like to be in love, I offered up my heart to two guys, one destroyed me, the other hasnt but has in so many different ways, I live in the moment, I try to plan out the future, There is so much about me that makes me who I am.
There are times that I doubt my ambissions, that I doubt my dreams, that I doubt me all together, but I pull myself together to remember who I am and my great worth.
So there are so questions about things. Boys, I have been used, I am putting my sheild back up again, I am sry, and I know it is not the best thing to do, but it is what I have to do. Push through everyday and live my life and not be so open with people anymore. If someday a guy comes along that doesnt use me and truely wants me then I will take my wall back down. Mike is just an exsample of how stupid I have been. Even after last summer I came back this winter with my mind set and back down from all that I worked for. I told him that I wanted to be with him and I know that we never will, I wanted to fool myself. I want him gone, Tami says rid him from my life, but there is still a little confusion about everything. One day he will open his eyes and see what was infrount of him. He talks about waisting time chasing girls spending like six weeks after one girl and it all being a waist. Here I am, almost a year chasing one guy, doing things I hate because he likes them. I am a safty. He doesnt have to talk to me all the time to be ok. Oh well. That is what I have to say. He is still one of my good friends.
BUT I am going to live my life the way I want. I am going to be the person I am. I am going to stand up for what I know. I am going to be me. I am going to be more like Stargirl. I am going to not change me to fit in for someone else. If you dont like me then, oh well. I am human. I know who I am! Do you?
Im gunna take my hydrocoden and do some reading. Tomorrow is Friday. Next week is the last full week of school.
<3 Erin Christina
omg two years ago i was just about to get married lol
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