Post 101

Just some of the fun that i have in my life!

I am blest to find people in my life that make me smile and love life and keep me going when I just wanted it all to stop.

I feel like more good times are ahead of me!!





this happened last night when Nat and I were hanging out with some people out in Weatherford



<3 Erin Christina

turning a new page

So who I am is who I am.
But I hate how I have been.
I know everything that I do.
I also relized that I can do whatever I want.
I know I have aamzing self control, but I have never used it correctly.
I got close to using it to its full power last night and I opened the door to who I am supposed to be and act. To tell you the truth I am so happy that I am turning this page. I am done playing. I know it is who I am. But I do not want to do that any more. From this time forward I wont tell myself I am less than I am. I have been telling myself that my whole life in certain situations and I am so done doing that.
Yes I have my past and Yes I have the habbits I have, but I wont let guys demine my great worth anymore. I will stand up for the strong person I am. The natural woman that live in me that tells me to just do this and do that wont do it any more. I know what I do and dont want to do, and for the first time I just didnt do it, I told myself no and stuck with that plan. It was flipping hard but I said it and I won. It was a perfect score but I won!
I plan to have many more wins and the blessing of self control I have been given I will finally use in the hardest of things in my life I struggle with.

Watch out nataral man, it took me long enough, but I am fighting back!!!


<3 Erin Christina

I found out

So I talked to Nat, and I can not believe that I did not notice what was going on sooner.
James had seen me. He had wanted to ask me to dance but would not. He finally at the end of the dance asked me.
At IHOP Nat kept making it so him and I were next to each other .. I can not believe that I did not catch on to what was going on earlier.
He saw a girl that he thought was cute ... and that girl was me ...

Nat and I are skipping singles ward and going out to Weatherford for a baptisum tomorrow. I kinda hope that James is there. Though we all know how these things happen for me, but whatev ..



<3 Erin Christina

Good Night

Sometimes things happen that you would never think.
Laast night I really did learn the lesson that looks are not everything. Ok so now that that come across wrong, look at people I have liked and dated we know I don't go by looks at all.
We do knwo that I do tend to be drawn to certin types of guys and that I am a flirt, it is who I am and that is that.
So I met a guy at the YSA dance last night. He was fun looking and our groups were dancing by each other and I kinda moved our groups together to make a bigger dancing circle. After that song it was a slow song and I was pretty hot so I was leaving to get a drink when he asked me to dance. We danced and talked and the dance was over.
Durring the closing prayer I hear a piano and wonder were Nat is and then hear her laugh it was her playing. After the prayer I went to find her and James (the guy) and other people are in there with her. I was talking to her to see if she was going to IHOP and then told the other guys they should go too. They did.
So of corse I was flirting with the guy, because that is who I am. But throughout the time I relized that he was not who I first thought he was, and that him and I had kinda a lot in common. So the flirting frount came down, and I got really interested in getting to know him.
I look baack and did not notice a few things going on that I probly should ask Nat about now, but, well, butterflies. That is what I had by the end of the night when I left.
I was not just being my flirty self, I really had butterflies and I do hope that we all can hang out again, I really really want to.
So last night was a veary good night and I am happy I chose to go to the dance rather then go home after work.
There is more to my iner thinkings but I will save that.
Tonight I get to see Chad and Manda and BABY!! I am pretty excited!!

Thats all for now i guess!



<3 Erin Christina

A Hole

What happened?
Who am I?
Where did I go when it all happened?
How does this all start?
My heart beats fast,
My breathing is strong.
I fight,
I struggle,
but I lose the battle.
I struggle to keep all of me together,
but it seems to always end the same,
the only part of me that is screaming no
is the part that the no can never be heard.
Trying to take what little part of me I can get
the fight doesnt stop
until I quit.
How far will this go?
How much will I lose?
And
No matter how much I know,
why cant I stop...



<3 Erin Christina

hmmm

so much on my mind
so much going on around me
to many feelings
and yet i am still closer to the emotionless side
i dont know where to go
who to turn to
is there anyone out there who can understand


take my hand
pull me out of this fire
wrap me in your arms
and tell me it will all be alright
hold on tight
and dont let me go
because the moment i am on my own again
i will wonder back into the fire
i have learned one thing
i like getting burned
so please
hold on tight
and dont let me go
protect me from myself
be my angel
my hope
my guardian angel



<3 Erin Christina

Love this song!

Is it a bad thing .. that it is mike i think of when i hear it ...






<3 Erin Christina

why ... why ... why

today has just been to much
mike and i texted all day
he made me feel like how i felt when we first started dating ... smiling, bushing, and all those other sappy things. i cant get over him. everything we talked about and said makes it harder and harder to try. i am crazy for this boy.

which leads me to hanging out with the two guys i met at gregs wedding. i kinda like both of them. but we know how i am. i am flirtatious and will lean more twords the one flirting with me. we discoved that yea both do like me. well tonight i was hangging out with them at their apt (they live together!) and we were having lots of fun. Stephen was being more flirty and showing the more interest so the pull was twords him. it didnt take long for me to get the feeling i knew what would happen before the end of the time .. and well .. we did kiss. just a cuple little pecks but none the less kissed. why did i kiss him. why why why. i wasnt supposed to. im trying to stop all that. i know i am not mentally ok to do that. i cant lead a guy on. and what happened to the only members thing! arhg! i never have a chance with a guy .. and he had to go and kiss me .... but i kissed him back ...

ok.

thats whats on my mind

i had to write it out to feel a bit better.

i do

bed time

work tomorrow

have to get up in 5 hours.

nini



<3 Erin Christina

thinking

thats all i do now ..
i think..
about many things.
i try not to think about mike
but sometimes i cant help it.

i want to forget and to move on,
but i have feelings for him
i care about him.
he was supposed to break my heart before we left and went out seperate ways
but he didnt.
i'm sry that i got on and on about this
but it never leaves me.
i do wish it would, but it doesnt.
will i ever be over him?
or was it really just not the time?
how am i supposed to go on and date
when i am thinking about mike all the time?

Heavenly Father, I pray for help, for guidence, and for strength. help me, please help me...



<3 Erin Christina