Same Blog Post as D&C Section 78-81

This felt more of a personal blog post then for my relgion class .. but i posted it anyways.  I just havent been doing well lately. But I put down my thoughts and feeling and tired in the reading and this is what it got me.


I am working on myself.


I am trying to grow.

I know there are still somethings that are holding me back.

Life gets hard. No one said it would be easy, but that it would be worth it.

I struggle.

More then I should.

I read my scriptures for class and I write all these thoughts and feelings that I have about what I read.

But I cant help but feel hypocritical in some of the things.

I am not perfect.

I worry about if I can ever be good enough to recive these blessings.

I doubt myself.

Sometimes I even look in the mirror and tell myself how much I hate me. Tell myself that I am in fact worthless and the only good any guy will ever see in me is to be used. It is like I have fallen down too low to even get back up again, to low for help.

D&C 78:7 "For if you will that I give unto you a place in the celestial world, you must prepare youselves by doing the things which I have commanded you and required of you"

Easier said then done.

I have faith in the Lord, I just dont have faith or hope in myself anymore. I feel like I am just here now.

I know I am not alone. Heavenly Father is with me. But as I keep making the same mistakes over and over I am sure he is getting tired of me disobeying.

How can some someone with a testimony like mine screw up like I do.

My bishop has praised me and has thanked me for how strong I am and he can see it in my eyes. Why can't I feel thing strength when faced with things. Satan knows my weaknesses and I fall every time. It is werid becuase sinning doesnt get easier for me, I can say no to anything and everything, but the one thing he can get me on every time. Satan knows us.

"Ye cannot bear all things..." said in vers 18 of the same section. I know I need him. Every hour. I struggle and I fall. And in a world that I feel so lost and cold and alone in, he is the only one I can turn to. But does he still want me to turn to him as I keep doing what I am doing? "...I will lead you along" I need him to lead me, guid me and walk beside me. I try. I go far. There are times I dont even look back.

D&C 81:6 "And if thou are faithful unto the end thou shalt have a crown of immortallity, and eaternal life in the mansions which I have prepared in the house of my father."

All I can do is try. All I can do is keep pusing and enduring to the end. Praying all the time, everywhere, pleeding with my father for help, for the compaionship of the Holy Ghost, the comforter, to always be with me, to help me.
 
<3  Erin Christina