Got there at 11:11pm Friday night.
Traveled with my best friend.
She is gone and moved now.
There was more to this trip then met the eye.
I am who I am.
I feel the way I feel.
My hopes, My dreams, My thoughts, My emotions.
Traveling from Southlake, Texas to Provo, Utah.
Driving non-stop there.
It was an adventure.
I was reminded how much I miss being up there. I love the north. I know that one day I want to move up north. Who knows where or when, but there is where I want to live my life. Out in the open, the Mts., the STARS! I love it all.
The worst part about the weekend is that I feel not good enough for my best friend. She made me feel like because I am not perfect that I am a horrible person. She made me feel like she doesn't care that I am trying, because I fell and said and did something that wasn't the best that I am the worst person in the world. It hurt. I am not perfect. I got into bad habits of things for a while that I have come A LONG WAY with. Just because someone slips once doesn't make them a follower of the devil, doesn't call to be lectured, doesn't call for anything but an apology between them and their father in heaven, who has been with them through the habit and now trying the brake the habit. Shouldn't it only matter that they are trying their best, that they know that they did something wrong, that they are working on it. Please don't put me down and lecture me on things that I am not the only one in the world that messes up on them. When you yourself are perfect and don't falter in some of the same areas as me then don't make me feel like I am going to hell for calling a car a bad name when you yourself a few days earlier were cussing. It hurts when you think so lowly of me, when I know that we are not all perfect and we are all working.
I had the best time with my best friend.
She really is the greatest and such a blessing in my life.
So we traveled to Utah. I got to see wide open places and enjoy the beauty that GOd created for us. It felt good to get out of my house, away from all that is there. This weekend I was happy. The happiness I feel every time I leave for school-speaking of I even went back and how wonderful and happy it was.
When the good out weighs the bad, which way do you turn?
When you look for an answer and guidance but the one who has always been there has lately telling you to do things that are not helping? Who do you go to?
After such an amazing weekend full of seeing temples and people and BEING HAPPY I came home to this. This life that I have just been going through the motions in.
Should I move?
Do I belong here?
Or
Am I the one placing myself away from it all, putting myself in the bubble, so therefor I don't feel welcome.
WELL. I don't care if he has his reasons or not. I WILL NOT put up with him degrading me any longer. For someone who "preaches" about family all the time and everyone tells me how wonderful of a person he is I cant help but look back at them and say you haven't truly seen him then. So I don't care what he is trying to do to me or create. Someone should never treat someone the way he treats me. NO MATTER WHAT. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG. He says there is a fight BUT WHAT FIGHT! If you place something publicly you give it to the world to take, there is no privacy about what is said to me AND ANYONE can speak their mind, more so those people who have seen THE REAL you. The past is the past .. you seem to be the only one living in it, and hurting YOUR OWN sister. You are stuck with her for eternity. How can you not practice what you preach. YOUR WIFE has to get on to you for the way you treat your sister. What does that say. Maybe you should look back on what your doing, think first. Because I am going to just say it and you will HATE IT, but you are turning into your father! I am done with you saying crap and saying sorry just because YOU WIFE TOLD YOU SO. You wont ever stop. You wont ever just move on. Your wife and your sister has, but you have not.
I AM DONE!
If you ever grow up then talk to me again.
But good riddance to this life I am forced to live through.
3 weeks and 1 day I am gone and out of here and if things go my way I WONT be back unless my family wants me home for the holidays.
Until I can enjoy being with my family rather then hurt and always blamed for everything I can't do it. I am gone.
I want to move. Move in with Natalia like she wants me too, like Kris has said I should.
It is time for this bird to spread her wings and not come home like she is trained too.
Yea feel free to start a fight at the dinner table about this one .. I AM SPEAKING MY MIND! YOUR JUST TRYING TO HURT ME AND BRING ME DOWN.
<3 Erin Christina
No comments:
Post a Comment