I

Miss my best friend.
and
guess
I kinda hope
she misses me too
and
I feel
kinda bad to doubt that she wouldnt
I just havent
been having the best time since she moved
and it is just me
to think the worst in every situation.
Best friend,
If you read this
I hope you know I am sry for everything that did happen.
I know we both have been really stressed.
I love you and your in my prayers.
8 days till I am gone!

<3 Erin Christina

Here is to the Battle

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye



I look off into the sunset
the feeling of what and where I am supposed to be is strong.
We all have place to go and people to meet, to help us grow.

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

I don't like always having to leave and having to move and have friends that I don't always get to see and be with and hear their voice. But I know where I go is where I am supposed to be.
I try in everytihng I do to always remember who I am and where I am going. I take that step into the dark with the Lord on my side, and my friends around me supporting me in what I do.
Things change and you have to hold on tight to what you know and push on out and follow that little light.

Life is a battle feild, we always have new choices and obsticals in our way. I move around and escape from places so I can think, so I can breathe. I don't run away from my problems, but I move to grow and gain the most out of life that I can. Some may say that I am not doing what is best for me, but I do feel that I am.

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

I will never lose hope in you. Please don't lose hope in me. I am lost without those who I love. I will always come home. This is home no matter what I want to think. I will always come home. Just call me if you need me. I will always be here for you. I might be in a totally different state far far away, but I will always be here.

So as I am leaving .. I am not a goodbye person. I will see you again .. I am always here .. don't forget that!

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

<3>

whatever

I'm still gaining weight. Sometimes I just hate life. Sometime I just I was dead. This is one of those sometimes.

<3 Erin Christina

Count Me Out

Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I'm dumb? Do you think I don't notice? For your FYI I am more observant then I let people think I am. I notice EVERYTHING .. every lie, every fib, all those thing you don't think I realize, well, I'm not dumb, I just choose not to say anything. It hurts!! That knife you have that is covered in blood from my back that you just keep stabbing. You call yourself a friend and yet you can turn and come back so easily. I am not one to be used and am sick of it. When you grow up come back and talk to me. Until then. I will just be here living my life being me. If you don't like me, OH WELL. Your a hypocrite, because I know people that you are totally fine with that are worse then me. So thanks from throwing away a friendship over your own selfishness. I'm not one to be used. You cannot be mad and hate me then well you FEEL like it you can talk to me again. I don't roll that way. Sorry.

<3 Erin Christina

A Journey

Left at 12:30am Friday morning.
Got there at 11:11pm Friday night.

Traveled with my best friend.

She is gone and moved now.

There was more to this trip then met the eye.

I am who I am.

I feel the way I feel.

My hopes, My dreams, My thoughts, My emotions.

Traveling from Southlake, Texas to Provo, Utah.

Driving non-stop there.

It was an adventure.

I was reminded how much I miss being up there. I love the north. I know that one day I want to move up north. Who knows where or when, but there is where I want to live my life. Out in the open, the Mts., the STARS! I love it all.

The worst part about the weekend is that I feel not good enough for my best friend. She made me feel like because I am not perfect that I am a horrible person. She made me feel like she doesn't care that I am trying, because I fell and said and did something that wasn't the best that I am the worst person in the world. It hurt. I am not perfect. I got into bad habits of things for a while that I have come A LONG WAY with. Just because someone slips once doesn't make them a follower of the devil, doesn't call to be lectured, doesn't call for anything but an apology between them and their father in heaven, who has been with them through the habit and now trying the brake the habit. Shouldn't it only matter that they are trying their best, that they know that they did something wrong, that they are working on it. Please don't put me down and lecture me on things that I am not the only one in the world that messes up on them. When you yourself are perfect and don't falter in some of the same areas as me then don't make me feel like I am going to hell for calling a car a bad name when you yourself a few days earlier were cussing. It hurts when you think so lowly of me, when I know that we are not all perfect and we are all working.

I had the best time with my best friend.

She really is the greatest and such a blessing in my life.

So we traveled to Utah. I got to see wide open places and enjoy the beauty that GOd created for us. It felt good to get out of my house, away from all that is there. This weekend I was happy. The happiness I feel every time I leave for school-speaking of I even went back and how wonderful and happy it was.

When the good out weighs the bad, which way do you turn?

When you look for an answer and guidance but the one who has always been there has lately telling you to do things that are not helping? Who do you go to?

After such an amazing weekend full of seeing temples and people and BEING HAPPY I came home to this. This life that I have just been going through the motions in.

Should I move?

Do I belong here?

Or

Am I the one placing myself away from it all, putting myself in the bubble, so therefor I don't feel welcome.

WELL. I don't care if he has his reasons or not. I WILL NOT put up with him degrading me any longer. For someone who "preaches" about family all the time and everyone tells me how wonderful of a person he is I cant help but look back at them and say you haven't truly seen him then. So I don't care what he is trying to do to me or create. Someone should never treat someone the way he treats me. NO MATTER WHAT. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG. He says there is a fight BUT WHAT FIGHT! If you place something publicly you give it to the world to take, there is no privacy about what is said to me AND ANYONE can speak their mind, more so those people who have seen THE REAL you. The past is the past .. you seem to be the only one living in it, and hurting YOUR OWN sister. You are stuck with her for eternity. How can you not practice what you preach. YOUR WIFE has to get on to you for the way you treat your sister. What does that say. Maybe you should look back on what your doing, think first. Because I am going to just say it and you will HATE IT, but you are turning into your father! I am done with you saying crap and saying sorry just because YOU WIFE TOLD YOU SO. You wont ever stop. You wont ever just move on. Your wife and your sister has, but you have not.

I AM DONE!

If you ever grow up then talk to me again.

But good riddance to this life I am forced to live through.

3 weeks and 1 day I am gone and out of here and if things go my way I WONT be back unless my family wants me home for the holidays.

Until I can enjoy being with my family rather then hurt and always blamed for everything I can't do it. I am gone.

I want to move. Move in with Natalia like she wants me too, like Kris has said I should.

It is time for this bird to spread her wings and not come home like she is trained too.

Yea feel free to start a fight at the dinner table about this one .. I AM SPEAKING MY MIND! YOUR JUST TRYING TO HURT ME AND BRING ME DOWN.

<3 Erin Christina

this is

Ok so I told myself to never post a blog in a bad mood. So all the things I wanted to vent about I have worked through my head at work, because when I'm not closing with any of my good friends it gets boring fast if you don't keep your mind going.

In 11 hours Natalia and I leave for Utah. Going to the temple on Saturday. An adventure on Sunday. I leave on Monday. It is a short trip BUT I am helping my bestie move.

In 27 days I leave Texas and go to Utah to have New Years with Natalia! And Jan 2nd I go back up to Rexburg.

I am ready. I need to be back out of my house and living again. I am cutting it close on money. I have $1,218.20 left to pay off of school (tuition and books) and I do not think I will make it :( but I am going to try my best.

When I get home from Utah I have 3 weeks and 2 days until I leave. So 3 weeks left to live here and then I am gone for 7 months. I hate to say it (ok I don't hate to, I am kinda happy to say it) that I wish it was sooner! But I need the money so I stay here and work.

Hopefully soon I will have the money that Kohls owes me .. because I NEED it to pay for school.

So I might write up a blog post that I want to write when I have time .. like an 18 hour car ride type of time .. though im sleeping for like 4 or 5 of those hours .. or who knows if either of us will sleep ... HAH.

Well, I had stuff to say but I guess I am not in the best writing mood right now. But that is just an update on my life.

I am ready to keep moving forward and put my life in drive, because I am kinda stuck in park and cannot take it any longer!!

<3 Erin Christina