When your whole world crashes and burns

Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways that sometimes we will never fully understand.

I don't know how fully ready I am to write this blog post. 

When something happens you cannot change what happens but you can deal with it in many different ways.  You can give up on your life, you can take what happens and fight it, deny it, question it, cry, be angry, or take it as it is and pick yourself up and keep going on with your life.

"When one door closes another door opens."

"I don't believe that things happen for a reason, but I do believe that bad thing happen to good people." -My Daddy. 

I take a deep breath and look at everything.  Why was there so much I was never told.  What happened to this partnership there was supposed to be.  I feel like I was hung out to dry and kind of stabbed in the back.  There was so much I was told that I was not aware of, stuff I was told that was discussed with me that was not.  That I was told that all was well when apparently it wasn't. 

On Monday I was told I was being removed from my student teaching on request of the principal at the elementary I was at.  Everything said in the meeting made me feel like someone that I looked up to had stabbed in the back.  "Sounds like she was not really a cooperating teaching but an UN-cooperating teacher to me" said my dad when I told him about what happened. 

Why with 2 weeks left.  9 days of school and 7 days of teaching left.  I am the worlds biggest failure.  My dream right there in that office died.  The main thing that bothers me is that I was never told over half of the stuff they told me in that meeting.  Why was I talked about behind my back rather then worked with and helped. 

So I guess you can all laugh and make fun of Erin.  The girl who is not good enough.  The girl who worked her but off but fell short.  All my friends who have and get to go on to be teachers and now I am left behind in the dust. 

But see this isn't the end for me.  I KNOW I have been doing what I was supposed to be doing.  I know I have been learning what I am supposed to be learning.  I know that teaching is what I am supposed to be doing.  As I have been going down the right path mine had a twist that I didn't know was there.  I didn't make a wrong turn but doing what is in the plan of my life.  I can only see what is in front of me but I know this life that I have been given is full of many wonderful things.  How do I know this?  Well it is a pretty amazing story.  We have to go back to Friday.

Friday I got a phone call to let me know of the meeting on Monday and I knew from the phone call what was going to happen.  I lost all and any trace of happiness in me.  I felt sick and I wanted to get in a car and drive off something.  I called my mommy and she told me to get a blessing.  I got one from someone in my branch presidency and I felt calm after it.  I still felt what I thought was going to happen but I was calm.  Saturday I went out to dinner with my visiting teacher.  I told her about things and she said she would fast with me on Sunday.  To know I had someone else on my side supporting me meant the world to me and help me feel calmer as well.  Monday came.  I was told what I was told.  I was able to tell my side of the story, but also had the prompting not to turn the meeting into a bash my supervisor meeting.  So there was a lot I could of said but I did not because of that feeling.  Acting grown up can stink sometimes but it is for the best in the long run I guess.  I was told of some options I had.  I spent almost an hour in another office talking with someone helping me use all my education credits to create a new major that would still get me out of Idaho and still be able to do what I love and what I know I am meant to do.  I spent some more time waiting in another office to talk about changing my major to University studies and about the minor and 2 clusters I created with my education classes.  But all this rambling is not super important. 
My friend Jenn came to meet me where I was and as she was walking into the MC she ran into one of my best guy friends that she had met a few times before.  She was having the same thoughts as me that I would want a blessing and once she saw him she asked him to help her find me.  I found the two of them when I got done where I was.  Kris gave me a blessing.  I was told things that wrapped around my heart.  It was like my Heavenly Father and the Savior were there in the room with me.  I could feel their love.  The spirit whispering to me that everything being said is true.  I know that the words that were said were the words of my Heavenly Father and He was using Kris as a mouth piece.  I am pretty sure without the blessings I received I would not be where I am right now.  

The last 4 years were not for nothing.  The last 10 weeks were not for nothing.  So I don't get Idaho certification.  I can go home with all my teaching credentials and I could get Texas teaching certified.  I have more options with this new degree as well since teaching jobs are none back home and I can find something that will pay me and will be good for me.  Something I couldn't do with all my teaching classes and with the degree I was working towards. 

Heavenly Father has a plan.  There is a time and a reason for what happens.  I know this was in the plan of my life and that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing.  I have faith in Him and I have faith in me. 


<3  Erin Christina

I Have Done a Bad Job

My last blog post was about week 4 of student teaching and right now I am sitting down to write week 10's lesson plans.
It has been a journey and not an easy one but one that has been worth it.  It still scares me to not extent that at the very end I could still get a finial evaluation saying that  I am not ready to  become an actual teacher.
I love my students.  They crack me up and we have such a good time when we can and not get totally out of hand.
I would not trade in this experience for anything.
Sorry this isn't long I don't really know what to write about and I should be writing my lesson plans.

<3    Erin Christina