I am Loved

Saturday June 11th I retook the Praxis PLT but that wasn't the only thing that happened that day.
Jenn had come up to visit me so her and I woke up on Saturday morning and got up and ate and watched cartoons because we are cool like that.  There was a knock at the door...it was a package for me that should not of gotten here for another week!!  It was from my aunt in Canada with candy and a Canadian Flag.  It made my morning.  I went to take the PLT and while I sitting there waiting for the 1st section to be done I met another girl that had failed the PLT by 3 points too.  While taking the test I noticed two of the scenarios were the same from the last test..this time I made sure to kick its butt!  I left the test feeling good.  When I got home there was a letter from Kris!! I was so excited and happy!! and inside the letter was $3 with a sticky note saying this is for pictures..or milk and eggs if you need that more.  So later that day Jenn and I went around town and got some pics to send to him.  I went to my neighbors apt to return a movie I borrowed the night before and my visiting teachers..who live there..told me they had a surprise for me.  I didn't do anything but they gave me something for just making it through my Praxis. 

When I went to upload the cd into itunes it was going in as just tracks so I put a title on the cd as I am Loved and the first song that played was You Are Loved by Josh Groban.  I wanted to start crying.  I really felt totally and completely blessed and the whole cd is of songs that remind me that I am loved and that people are there for me and just happy amazing songs.  

The whole day was just a wonderful day.  I loved having Jenn visit Friday-Wednesday.  I don't know what I would of done without her here.  She really helped me through a lot and I know that I do have a best friend and that people do love me and I can always get through anything and everything.  I really do love my life.  It can be hard at times but we can always get through them. 

I know my Heavenly Father loves me. 

PS.  I got my student teaching placement.  Temple View Elementary School in Idaho Falls.  3rd Grade.  I am pretty excited!!

<3  Erin Christina 

I know that my Heavenly Father Loves Me

My home teachers just came over and gave me a blessing of comfort and of strength.  A reminder that Heavenly  Father has never and will never leave my side.  He has been with me through every decision I have made and will continue to do so through the ones I have been making.  A reminder that everyone around me does love me and cares about me.  A blessing of a sharp mind to remember all that I have learned.  The comfort is amazing.  The strength is amazing.  The Power of the Priesthood is uncompilable to anything on this earth.  It isn't just some guy telling me everything will be alright but a blessing directly from my Heavenly Father to me.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me.  I know that the church is true.  I know that with faith anything is possible.  So many of those fears of Saturday are long gone.  I know I can do this and my Heavenly Father wont leave me alone on this.  He will be there with me on Saturday, cheering me on. 

<3  Erin Christina

Tears

..of stress
..of pain
..of fears
..of doubts
..of what ifs
..of everything that Satan wants me thinking of.
Where is the happiness that I know I should have in my heart.  The care free feeling a Senior should be having.  I should be excited about graduation and yet I am doubting and fearing and asking what if I don't make it.
This Praxis has a grip on my heart that I keep trying to get away from.  Bawl my eyes out every night just thinking about it and all the effects that it will have whatever the out come may be.  I have taken it once already and failed by 3 points.  What if I was Lucky it was only three, what if I just had an unreliable grader and I should of passed.  I should not be thinking of these things but I am a pro at beating myself up from the inside out. All my life educationally there have been a few things I struggle with. We all know I cannot spell to save my life and I cant take tests and more so then just tests timed tests, pressured tests.  I hate taking tests in the testing center.  I am out of my environment.  Timed tests I don't have time to think I think I have to finish this or I am screwed.  I barely finished the Praxis last time.
It is just not that either.  Though this does make or break everything I have planed for my future.  But Ryan and Ashleigh had their 2 year anniversary on Monday.  Jonathan and Courtney are having little baby Orry William Elliott any day now.  Then there is me.  single, alone, far away, and may not even finish college because of one test.  Everyone is getting married, having babies, falling in love and I hate that I have a sinking feeling that I just might not get that in my life.  I have already started copping with that fact.  You know it is so scary that Heavenly Father knows everything and I don't, I know nothing.  I have plans that keep getting changed on me.  I threw my motto out the window and opened my heart back up, opened my back up to everyone and what do I find..pain and tears.  I was doing so much fine hiding.  Nothing has changed at all.  Yes I feel a huge weight lifted off.  Like Mike can't hinder me anymore.  But here comes the real Satan in to manipulate the scares deep inside.
Needless to say I feel so afraid and lost in the dark.  Praying and pleading for the help but feeling like this has to be something I have to get through on my own, He knows that I still wont listen.  It is me that will forever beat myself up for everything and anything I can find to put on myself.
I asked my home teachers for a blessing on Sunday that I will be getting either tomorrow night of Friday afternoon and really that is what I am holding on to.  Knowing I will get that and a blessing from my Heavenly Father for comfort and strength.  I can't take this test and get on with the semester on my own.  I feel like even with just my prayers there is still too much fear holding me back.

<3  Erin Christina

It really is the Small and Simple things

I gave a talk on Sunday in church.  I thought I would share it with you all.  It was about the small and simple things and how it really are those that lead to our Heavenly Fathers great and eternal purpose. 

By Small and Simple things

So there once was a father having a talk with his son.  He told him that he needed to keep a bunch of records safe and take care of them.  These records were to be passed down through generation and generation.  The son was probably like what is so important about these it is just about of writing and history because the father went on to tell him..

Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.  And the Lord God doth work by ^ameans to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very ^bsmall means the Lord doth ^cconfound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

And well the son simply did the small thing that his father asked him to do and the writings were kept and they retained their brightness.   Many, many, many years later these writings were found by a young boy who simply knelt down and said a simple prayer.  And because of these small and simple things that were done the great thing of the church being restored happened. 

That is what as a teacher on my lesson plan I would call an anticipatory set.  Are all of you engaged in what my talk is on today?  I hope so or I have been hanging out with 2^nd graders too much...it is not my fault I have been taught to teach little kids not big kids. 

SO!  Any guesses on what my talk is about?  ..Sigh...My best lessons are with less talking from me and more from the students figuring it out and talking.  So guess I have to keep talking since this isn’t a class.  (Please laugh at my unfunny attempts at jokes they are here to make me feel better and give you all and excuse to laugh at me.)

You can find the scripture I referenced in Alma 37:6-7.  Alma is probably the most quoted from me and the most colorful book in my scriptures.  I love reading Alma and applying the things he says into my life or taking what is said and asking is this happening in my life.  So when I read about small and simple things what are the small and simple things he is talking about.  I use the foot notes and everything basically says doing what I am supposed to be doing.  But when I think of small and simple things I kind of feel like it is more than just doing the small and simple things like praying and reading my scriptures and going to church.  So I went to lds.org

When you type small and simple things into lds.org you get talks and whatnot about charity, being an example, service, small and simple things.  This made me feel much better because service and charity are what I normally think about when I think of small and simple things so I was relieved that I am not scripture stupid and interpreting the scriptures totally and completely wrong. 

Small and simple things bring great things.  For some reason we always tend to think that we have to something huge and important and show off how righteous we are and things like that.  But it is the small things, the simple things.  I love how the scripture says that it will confound the wise.  Why how could something so small and simple be so important...Bigger is better right?  This really could be confusing.  And by these small means the great things that come to pass are the things that are working in bring to pass his eternal purpose. 

At a WoMANs (see for you too boys…men…) conference Elder Bednar talked about small and simple things…though there is not the address he gave on line but kind of a report on what was said and quotes from him.  He talked about patterns and how we need to have patterns of doing the things we need to be doing in our lives.  You know as you do those small things faithfully we will have great blessings in the end. We are bombarded constantly with messages from a multiplicity of sources promoting speedy supersizing, instant gratification, and outstanding performance that will impress our families and friends.  Heavenly Father works in His own time and way and typically brings to pass great things through small and simple means… no matter how much you ask (believe me I have tried.). 

So it brings me back to the thoughts of well we do the small and simple things now and get great blessing later isn’t only related to reading the scriptures and living right.  Service is the big thing that comes into my head when thinking of the scripture.  How do you feel when someone does something nice for you, just something small and simple?  What if it was a bad day and you went home to a made bed.  I know that has happened to me and it totally changes my attitude.  That can lead me to help someone else…and down the line someone might do something that can help someone.  The person doing the first act might not be directly blessed for their small and simple act but great things can really come from something like that. 

Heavenly father loves blessing us!!  What about another kind of simple act?  Inviting someone to church?  If that person joins the church the effect will forever continue down the line of their family for generations forwards and backwards.  Or maybe inviting an inactive member back to church?  They become reactivated.  Then by the change in their life styles they invite a friend to church and that friend joins the church.  A simple act and changes in many lives.  A simple blessing, doing your priesthood duty, to a sick pregnant mother and giving comfort to her to continue through the next several months of difficultly and bringing a life into the world.  A small and simple thing but great thing that would come from it.

I have another story to share.

There was a family that lived outside of the United States that were not members of the church but had missionaries that came knocking on their door but the father of the house would not let them into his house at all always turning them away.  One day on the news there was word that the president of the US was shot and killed.  The missionaries showed up at this family’s house that night and this father let these young men in to watch the news with them.  That small and simple thing of inviting them in to watch the news helped the family to join the church.  The grandchildren of that man were born into the church and baptized as well and the great grandchildren will someday too.  I never knew my grandpa but I am so grateful for his small and simple act that has changed and affected my life and my brothers.  Both brothers sealed in the temple to their wife.  In two weeks give or take someday my oldest brother will have a new born son who will be raised in the church and enjoy the blessings that my Grandpa Elliott gave to us.

(I shared my testimony)

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.  

<3  Erin Christina

Week 5 - Last 2 Days

I came out of this week feeling sad from saying goodbye to the students and happy that we all made it to the end of the school year and feeling confident after all the things the students had said to me over the last few weeks.  My kids spoiled me with confidence.  They were such a great class and I feel so blessed to have had them as my class to work with and grow with and become a better stronger teacher from all that they taught me, yes even the ones who misbehaved because they made me search for other ways to work with them and expand in classroom management strategies. 

            This week was really relaxed and not much happened it being the last week and only having 1 ½ days of school. 

·         Tuesday I got to experience two new things.  The first was an assembly.  Watching the students was more of a priority then watching the assembly.  Making sure students were behaving and not messing around and doing things they should not be doing.  The assembly went on kind of long and I could tell the students were getting restless.  They were for the most part good but some students had to come over and sit by us since they would not sit still and be respectful to all the others there and around them.

·         The 2^nd thing we did on Tuesday was watcher Where the Red Fern Grows with the 2^nd grade.  So this was just about like the assembly experience.  Making sure students were all sitting up and watching the movie.  Making sure they were talking and doing what they were supposed to be doing.  It was a day full of monitoring students.  It was a good day though.  They kids enjoyed the movie and they had lots to say in contrast to what was in the book (they read that earlier in the school year).

·         Thursday I spent the day working on a project for my teacher.  First I dicut the alphabet for her.  Then I cut out all of Fry’s first 300 sight words.  She wanted me to alphabetize them next so I did.  After that I had to alphabetize the words in each letter.   So all of that took most of the morning. After the kids left I continued my work and didn’t even stop to each my lunch and worked 12-3 nonstop to finish my project and finished right at 3.  I laid yellow paper out all over the room and walk around and laid the words out in alphabetical order and put each dicut letter right before that group of sight words started.  After they were all laid out and I got the approval I glued them all down to the paper.  Now this really does take longer than you would think.  I glued and glued and glued and glued.  I was so proud of my work when I was finished and I did something that I hope to also do for my classroom, I really liked the idea. 

·          I got to spend some time with the kids.  They were all having me sign things of their and really made me feel special.  Even student I did not know just because I was there wanted me to sign their papers and year books.  It really made my day.  Reminds me that students at such a young age don’t care who you are but love you no matter what and think that you are cool because you are older and a teacher.  Kids at that age are what I want to work with.  They don’t judge each other and they all love everyone. 

Stop and think moment this week was the random kids I have never seen asking me to sign their things. I didn’t say no to them but I was wondering why they were asking me to sign, I wasn’t their teacher, technically I am not even really a real teacher yet.  It however felt really good to be asked to sign things for them.  No one is left out of these kids’ lives.  They want everyone to sign and the more people sign the better they feel or just because of the fact that they love everyone.  None of them judge each other and none of them don’t like someone for one stupid reason or another.  The sweet innocence of being so young and still at that age before good friends out cast others because out of nowhere that person isn’t “cool”.  Why can’t we all be like the little children?  We are told to be in the scriptures.  The unconditional love for everyone around them including strangers and no judgmental feelings, we need to be more like them. 

I don’t really have anything to prepare for next week since I have no school next week.  But over the next week prepare myself for a new experience.  This will not be like what we just went through.  Read back over my journals from summer school for early field last year to remind me what it was like and just really remember what I have learned and retain it all to get ready to go into summer school. 

<3   Erin Christina

What have I been up to

Ice Caves
Fishing
Camp fires
Roommate photos
Homework homework homework

I can get pics for those too but it is past bed time now...this is enough updating for now!!

Who knows if I will ever get back into this to update like I should but I will try!!

<3  Erin Christina

Pics to do with my 2nd graders

 Hallie and I are BFFs!!

 Big hugs from Sarah

 Just the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me!! I love this one from Charity

 Jake made me this one. I could not fit it on anything so I made it a decoration for my name tag. 

 One student (Melissa) made me the ring and another (I feel so bad I cant remember who gave the bracelet becuase I was doing a bunch of things at once and they came up and just put it on me)

 My cow girl outfit

 Me and Hallie are Best Friends Forever  (she was the attached one from the field trip...still attached)

Megan is such a sweetie!!

I really do love this class.  Going into the last week is really sad.  :(  I am going to miss these kids that I have grown so close to in the last few weeks.

<3  Erin Christina