update.

I have been lacking.  Life has just been getting away with me.  Working all the time and hardly making anything.  I really dont think I am going to have enough for school.  Babysitting a lot.  Falling way behind on my online class.  Picking up hours at work when I can.  Spending time with my amazing sister-in-laws. 

I love this season though!  It means a lot to me.  The whole meaning of thanksgiving and christmas.  I have so much to be thankful for and I want to anything and everything for those that I love.  I am not even making enough for school and yet I want to get my family something so nice each for christmas. 

...really all I want for christmas is for tuition and books to get paid for.  I hate how my life revolves around me being stressed about money.  I want to enjoy life.  I dont even hang out with friends due to the fact that gas costs me a lot of money and  I want to go as long as I can without having to fill up.

My best friend moved home on monday.  It is friday and I havent seen her.  I fail as a friend.

I am a super impulsive shoe and movie buyer (the movie this just started...addicted to $5/$9 movies at walmart)  and it is starting to really hurt me.  I think I am going to start just not carrying any money around with me. 

I have a lot of things I need to get accompished before the end of december (including my finger printing that I have put off WAY TOO LONG, they sent it to me in Aug I think.)

Well I am going to go help set up Christmas.  Change the oil in my car with my amazing brother when he comes over.  AND babysit whenever that is done.

<3  Erin Christina

Sick again?

I had a few wake up in the middle of the night trips to the bathroom last night.  I dont think I have ever felt that way before .. it was so intence and I could not stop what was comming out of my body.  It hurt so bad and so much pressure it even tried comming out my noise.  My poor kitty has no idea what was going on he just sat there with me.  and has been with me just about all day.

I think I am going to call work.  1.  I threw up everything in my system last night.  2.  Every time I think about eating my tummy starts churning.  3.  I really am hungry and want to eat but I am afraid to.  4.  My back is in major pain and I want to take pain killers but I am afraid that will come up too. 

I dont want to call out, but it will be only my 2nd call out, a few weeks ago when I has been sick.  Maybe working last night was a blessing.  I got 8 hours of work last night and if I call out today I still have gained two hours in my work week.  This really sucks. 

I really hate throwing up and having no idea why I have thrown up.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!?


<3  Erin Christina

I unoffishally have

Endometriosis.
We do not offishally know if that is what I have but we have finally labed what is wrong with me.  I do however still feel like a guineepig.  Having my doctor finally say that she thinks this could be the reason actully takes stress off me.  There is only one way to find out if you have endometriosis is to have a special type of sergery.  It isnt like a huge one but they do have to look inside of you.  I think after I graduate and come back home I might have them look into it, because well lets not kid our selfs, I do not have time to take a week off of my life to find out if I do or do not have endometriosis. 
I am being treated as if I do have it.  Birth control number 5.  I am now going to only have 4 periods a year to help try to prevent what is causing the pain.  I am not a doctor so it is hard for me to explain what is going on..feel free to google endometriosis there is a lot of info on it. 
So here is to another try on something new. 
I am trying to keep in mind always the comfort that is given to me everyday from my Heavenly Father.  I try to think  I can go on my own, but I need him and I know that he is taking care of me no matter what. 

So here is to today and in a week or so when I can start my new birth control. 

<3  Erin Christina

Sicky Icky (45)

I love my Rangers.
I hate being sick.
I just cant get unsick.  First I was really sick, throwing up and fever sick..and still going into work ^_^
Now I am I started that oh so wonderful time of month and I am that sick (wich is funny because I havent gotten sick the last few months...so this time it really is taking a lot out of me.)

There isnt much more to say on that note. 

OH!!!  JONATHAN AND COURTNEY ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!  The first little Elliott.  I cannot wait.  Baby is due in June and I will meet baby in July at my graduation. 

I have had good hour weeks the last few weeks and this week and next I am done at 30.  I hate all these new hires taking my hours.  Do they not understand that I really only want Sunday off...stop giving me random days in the week off. 

Oh well. 

I am still working on school stress and working on losing weight.  Both not getting any better.
I have my doc appt in a few weeks.  Looking forward to that.  More so because along with being sick this month I am also in a lot of pain with it too.  Any ways, work at 8am so that means it is bed time now. 

<3  Erin Christina

Go Boys Go! (47)

The rangers won last night!!!! It was such a good game.  I am happy that I got to spend that time with my sister-in-laws.  We went out to dinner and got some icecream and watched the game.  AND WE WON.  It was a very good night. 

I work from 10:30-6 today and 2-6 tomorrow.  Friday and saturday are early mornings again.  I hate that they are messing with my sleep schedual like this.  I am going to be tired and cranky on Friday and Saturday because I am not used to going to bed and waking up anymore. 

Well I have to start getting ready for work.  Friday is pay day. 

We are getting close till Tally gets home and for that I am WAY excited.  Cant wait till she comes home!!

It feels werid that it is wednesday I fell like it is Thursday. 

<3  Erin Christina

Having No Luck (47)

I have a goal to be happy no matter what happens.  So through all the crappy customers at work, all the not getting enough hours, all the working days I really dont want to work, my way too kind of a heart, the still not making enough money, feeling sick all the time, the pain, the crazy work hours they are giving me, missing Idaho, missing the few friends I have down here that I never get to see anymore, never getting to go to family dinner on Sundays because of work...I am smiling through it.

You know lately, I have been having those nightmares about HIM.  I guess still missing and hating myself still at the same time.  I try to forget and MOVE ON.  But with all these nightmares I went to his facebook yesterday.  Yes he has privicy settings up but I can still look at the pictures he posts.  He has a new album, him and a girl and she is wear that claughda ring, the one that I remember him trying on me and fitting perfectly.  I am happy for him.  He found someone that he can really love and that he really wants to be with.  Someone that has hopefully made him change and be a better guy.  Something that I failed at.  I had wanted him more then anything so I gave him everything he wanted and in return I got nothing I wanted.  I wasnt the girl he needed.  He wasnt the guy I needed.  I just really hope she isnt letting him do anything bad, that they are both staying worthy.  He broke my heart, but I still want him to end up happy in the end, I still want him to be the priesthood holder he needs to me.  I really hope he has changed, not just for himself but for her salvation as well.

I think this can really help me move on.  I never really stoped loving him.  Deep down I hoped to run into when I got back and that he would want me again. 

I KNOW that I made the right choice.  I did what was right for the both of us.  I lost a best friend and ended up broken, but I did what was right.  I will ALWAYS stand by that choice.  I do not regret it at all. 

I wake up every morning with all those things listed at the start of this post and really dont want to get up.  But I do!! I roll out of bed and start my day.  I smile knowing that my Heavenly Father is watching over me.  He is proud of all the choices that I am making that are helping me get closer to returning to live with him again.  I want to make him proud of me.  I go through each day, it may not be easy, but I do my best.  I can feel him guiding me through each day.  I can feel him wipping away my tears.  I can hear him telling me it will all be alright.  My life is in his hands.  I know that as long as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing everything will be all right.

Well. Gotta get a move on with this life.  Cheering on the Rangers tonight.

<3  Erin Christina

my goal for the month

Lose the ten lbs that I have gained over this last year.  I will not let the birth control win by making me gain weight.
I am going to try to update my blog more.  My life has just been so boring.  Nothing cool really at all going on.  Just sleeping working and my online class.

Nov 22 is the count down till date.  My bestest friend is comming home  and we will be spending up until I leave for school together.  Party in Texas and Party in Utah.  I love Natalia Angelica May.


<3  Erin Christina