quicky post

Sometimes people are just so dumb.  They frustrate me sooo just sooo so. 
People need to get over themselves and relize that there are some people in the wold who just want friends and arent looking for anything else in their lives.  And when you are a jerk and accuse people of things that arent true you lose friends.  So I thought I had a friend down here and I dont anymore.  Back to the beginning.  I want to go back to Idaho,  I miss Kris (in a mission). I miss Tally.  I miss Spencer (just got back from mission). 

So my life consists of work work and more work (Kohls and babysitting).

I am ready for the weekend.  Not going to the condo on friday but on Saturday with my brothers and sister-in-laws.  So I am not going to church on Sunday and I am kind of upset about it, but there isnt much you can do with a dad like mine, we all have to give up things.  Maybe someday there will be someone in my life who doesnt judge me for my dad.

Some people make me upset and I just cannot stand that they dont care about anyone but themselves.


<3  Erin Christina

I Have A Plan

But I really don't know what that plan is anymore.  Butterflys, and I really hate them.
It is not that I HATE the felling of them but that I am not ready to have them yet, at least I think I am not.  Plus who knows if the other person has butterflys too.  One date means nothing.

OH .. I havent said anything about the date I went on have I.  OK, I guess I will tell a little about it.

One of my home teachers asked me on a date last week.  We went on a two part date.  He picked me up and we went and cleaned the church.  IHOP after the church.  We went to Southlake Town Square and just walked around and talked until he had to take me to work.  I went to work for a really LONG 8 hours on POS.  He picked me up and we went over to the Weavers (his cousins) and we watched a movie there (Zoolander wich earlier that day I told him was one of my favorites).  We cuddled.  We held hands.  We layed in the grass and watched stars.  He smelt really good.  He is cool.  We like a lot of the same music and he has really good taste in music too.  He makes me laugh.  It was a lot of fun.  He is 2nd date worthy..if that ever happens. 

WELL..I invited him to the condo next weekend.  So something will be with me driving there on Friday and home on satuday for me to get to work at 5.  So I wont be home a lone all weekend I get to go out there for at least one day.  (part of me kinda wants to call in sick to work but I dont have enough hours to aford to lose 6 of them.)  Anyway he said yes, he just has to ask his parents.  I think it would be fun to have someone there to hang out with. 

So that is the situation I am in.  I am giving myself no credit and saying he likes me as a friend/he has to be nice to me because he is my home teacher/he has no interest in me at all.   It is better to put myself down now so it dosent happen later.  ^_^


This post was supposed to be about Ben's Funeral, I guess I will do that when I get home from work tomorrow. 



<3  Erin Christina

One day here next day gone

Live everyday because it might be your last.

You never know when the last time you see someone will be the time that you are spending with them right now.

Last Tuesday I got a phone call from my brother telling me that our friend Ben was killed that morning in Afaginstan.  I hung up the phone with him and didnt know what to think.  I could not believe that Ben could really be gone.  I wouldnt let myself believe it.  I remember just bawling that night when it finally hit me that Ben was no longer with us here on earth. 

I cannot believe that Ben is gone.  I am so proud of him.  Ben was an amazing guy.  He never failed to make me smile.  I can remember first meeting  him.  I can remember all the crazy things all of us went out and did. 

It is hard to think that someone can be here today and gone  tomorrow. 

Thank you Ben for surving your contry.  Thank you Ben for your sacrifice.  I will never forget what you have done.  You will never be forgoten and will live on in all of our hearts forever. 

There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
Now what would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god couldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

I know you are in a better place now.  I know  you died doing what you believe was right.  Thank you Ben, Thank you for everything.
I am going to the funeral tomorrow.
 
<3  Erin Christina

A quick update

I am alive.
I owe a few blogs.
I have had a lot of thoughts and choices that have been throwing me off since comming home.
Sometimes I don't do the best choices thinking I am making a good choice.  It was in stake conferince today when it was said that sometime Satan gets us to make a good choice, but it may not be the better choice or the best.  Good, Better, Best.  I have been good since I have gotten home, but I want to be my BEST.  I keep telling myself I don't fit in at church, but I have been dumb because I do.  I have already experinced how amazing my home teachers are.  I am truly blessed. 

So I owe a few blogs.

One about guys.
One about my friend Ben who was killed last week.
Work.
SPENCER
and I am not sure but I do owe a few blogs because I wont get anywhere with these thoughts if I don't talk them out here.

Something that hit me really hard last night was something my mom said "Plans have a tendincy to not work out."  Why would she jinx my life like that?!  But I got a little taste of how plans can get messed up.  Oh my gosh my head is just going off about all of it.
I am sitting here now thinking with more of an open mind.  Come what may and love it.  I wont stop my life just for my degree.  I need to live my life and enjoy it or I may miss out of something important.

I am going to live my life the BEST I can.  I love the church and all the blessings it has brought into my life and all the blessing I know it will bring.

Well I got to get everything together and off to work. 

<3  Erin Christina

This is my Last Summer

I tell everyone how I am graduating this next July.  I have all these wonderful plans made for my life. But what I never say is how afraid  I am.  I don't know for fact what Heavenly Father has planed for me.  I am not the person to look a year ahead of where I am and make plans for what my life is going to be like.  How do I know that something isn't going to mess that up?  I don't, and isn't that what life is about, expect the unexpected, be prepared.

Last week I compleated my Jr year of college.  I have 12 classes left and I am done with my degree.  I finshed off all my generals and could of graduated with that this year.  I finshed off this last semester with some amazing learning and growing experinces for being a teacher.  I am excited and ready.  I know this is what I am supposed to be doing.  But I still have fear in the back of my mind, worry, I have worked so hard to get to where I am, what if something goes wrong.. 3 As, 2 A-s and a B- (and I worked my butt off for those grades!!)  I have sacrificed so much to do what I am doing.  I have made some mistakes but I have corrected them and learned and grew from them.  I spent a year as a music major, what I had ALWAYS wanted to do.  It wasnt actully until Summer of 2009 that I offishaly changed my major.  I have come so far and I have not slacked off, I have worked and worked and worked. 

I have plans for my life.  I know where I want it to go.  I am graduating and nothing is going to stop me of that.  But in doing so I feel as if I am kind of going against things we have been told to not do.  I am putting off dating, relationships, marrige.  But that is the only way.  I cannot date while I am at school because that takes away from my studies.  I don't need any distractions from my goal, my teaching degree.  I guess it was just something that the bishop said to me today that got me thinking and a little annoyed.  I am not dating anyone, if someone asks me out yes I will go out with them.  Yea I look at guys and am interested in them but I have really never had the problem with that (a main reason I don't date is because, well, I don't get asked out).  He basicly told me (though he tells me the same thing every time I have come home) lots of girls think like you (not dating and plan on staying singel) and than out of no where within just a few weeks they get swept off their feet by some amazing guy and get married.  Too bad bishop doesn't  understand that I have ONE YEAR, 12 CLASSES left in school, I am not giving that up for marrige. 

So what am I doing.  This summer/fall I really have no idea, I am currently looking for work right now.  Jan-July will be my last year of school.  I will walk and do the "graduation" thing.  I will do my student teaching in the fall and right there is where I have no clue where my life will take me.  Will I be offered a job where I am student teaching?  If I am I will take it..so my whole life might be moved.  Maybe there I will find an amazing guy, maybe not.  I might be in Texas after student teaching, looking for a job.  I don't know.  I don't worry.  I just worry about my plans for this next year not going as planed.

With all that said, I have faith that whatever happens, happens because it is supposed to be that way.  If by chance I do meet a guy, and he REALLY wants to be with me he will wait till I have that degree in my hands to persue anything with me.  I won't do long distance, it is too distracting and painful.  Relationships just seem to hinder the doing your homework and going to bed at a good time idea.  I do not mind spending day after day in my room working working working, it is worth is.  While I am home, I need to get a job and work and work and work so I can pay for this next year of everything, no time to mess around. 

I look forward to my life.  I think back to elementary graduation, middle school graduation, and even high school graduation, each of those we thought was something HUGE and life changing.  Each was at that time those things, each were their own ending to a chapter in life.  I am about to close my college chapter and I am feeling the same as I did with those, excited and scared, thinking what comes next?...  I will let you know when it comes to that.

Well that is all that is on my mind for now.  Tomorrow I need to wake up and ..well I guess just wake up.  I have a wonderful doctors visit tomorrow to talk to her about how I am still in a lot of pain and none of the pain killers work.  She will than either just give me some new perscriptions and say "Try this and let me know after a few weeks if you are still having problems."  I am tired of them telling me that .. I WANT THEM TO TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG .. stop just giving me drugs actully tell me what is wrong with my body and why it flipping hates me and why I will lay in bed or sitting there or whatever and just hurt so bad that it makes me feel sick.

<3  Erin Christina

If you dont Like it Dont Read it

I have said this many times before that this is where I write what is on my mind.  I love to write and it best gets out my feelings and emotions.  If YOU THINK that I shouldnt write things in my blog than DONT READ IT.  THIS is what is REALLY going on in my life.  The stuff I wouldnt normally say.  The best way to get to know me is through my writting and if you dont like it DONT READ IT.  That is that.  Stop complaining about what I write, because guess what, it is my life.  Yea my blog may seem to have a lot of drama in it, but that is how I get rid of that stuff weighing me down and holding me back, I write and release it from me.  That is how I do things.  I am tired of writting these posts saying to stop complaining about what I write. I write the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. 

It is funny when you find out about those who are supposed to love you the most are just the rudest poeple twords you.  You complain I never tell you anything well, stop reading my blog and you wont have to know ANYTHING about my life. 

I get on the shuttle in 2 hours to head to Utaha and tomorrow morning/day I have my flights back home.

<3  Erin Christina

It is about time I updated again

Life has been treating me so wonderfuly.  I am greatly blessed with amazing friends.  Homework kills but all and all I am learning so much from it. 
Today has escaped me.  It is already after 6pm but I do feel like I got a good amount of work accomplished today.  It is crazy to think in 19 days I will be leaving this life to go back to my home life once again but looking forward to what is instore for me back home. 
So not much has been going on since I last posted.  So much hate and resentment against that one person has been totally released and has left me.  There are times memories come back and I miss those times, but I feel as if I truely am a better person now that he is out of my life.  I do worry about what if I run into him again now that we are no longer at the elementary schools and I walk to class in the morning (that was how I saw him last time) but if it happens it happens and I dont think it will hurt as much as last time and I will not stop and cry but walk on and smile with my head held high. 
Now on to the wonderfulness that is my life!
This weekend my roommates and I went camping!  It was great!!  I loved just about every second of it!!
It was not only camping but it was also rafting, kayaking, and hiking.  It was just so much fun and deffenitly unforgetable. 
It was my first time kayaking and at the start everyone got so far ahead of me I just started crying because if anything happened they wouldn't know.  Our river guide for the weekend was Krislyn's boyfriend Josh by the way.  But I have had nighmears of me dying by drowning so you could immagin why I was so scared.  I actully did well, if I can say so myself.  I however tiped over once when I stoped saying to myself while going through rapids "just keep pattleing"  I had gone over the rapids a few times backwards because I could never stay forward and I would just keep going.  Well this one time I was turnning and there were HUGE rapids ahead of me so I stoped paddling and tried to straighten out and got turned over.  It was scary.  When you get tiped you really dont get a chance to take a huge breath and so it is really scary.  If you have ever gone kayaking before you know that you have a skirt thing you wear and that attached you to your kayak so when you tip you are still in it until you unattach the skirt from the kayak.  There is a tab that we had to pull the unattach ourselfs and than get ourselfs out of the kayak and get up to the serface.  Well when I got tiped I first couldnt find the tab so I opened my eyes and found it.  Then while I was pulling on the tab I could not get unattached.  In panic mode now I started just ripping at the skirt on the sides and just trying to get myself out of that kayak.  I went back to the pull tab again and pulled so hard.  it poped off and I was free, well almost.  I had to remember that my legs were funny in the kayak and I have bruses on my thigh to prove that I was trying to just rip myself out of that thing.  When I got up to the serface Josh was there and did his river guide stuff and saved me. 
We went rafting on friday and on saturday and saturday deffenitly was the funiest time.
We went hiking in the middle of the night up to a hot sping.  It was sooooo nice.  Then we got to hike down in the moon light.  It was so nice, so many stars saturday night/sunday morning.
Sunday we slept since we didnt get back from the hot springs/hike until around 5am.  We ate and ate and ate.  We had a devotional since we slept so long and did not go to church.  It was so nice. 
I love nature so much.  I love being out in the moutins and the woods.
The weekend was so good for me.
I am so blessed for everything that the Lord has given me. 
I cannot wait to see what else he has instore for me, I mean, I have an eternity!

<3  Erin Christina