Sunday School

What a day today was.
I am so blessed to be alive.
For starters, I have spent now 2 full days with Natalia and going to for the 3rd sleepover in a row with her. I love this Chick TO DEATH!!! I might just die when she leaves in less then a month. DIE I SAY!!
Now to my day.
Really it all comes down to sunday school today at church.
Today we talked about the priesthood and blessings. I had left the class because we all know how I have been sick lately and I just can't take it any more. My hormones are all outa wack. I snap at the smallest thing and am totally on edge with any/everyone.
So I walked back into class and Natalia is sharing a story about a priesthood blessing. She had told me the story before and so I knew what we were talking about in the class. I was totally consumed by the spirit. I could not control my emotions. My hand shot up at one point because I had to share my thoughts on priesthood blessings.
Yes everyone talks about the wonderful mericals they have had from blessings of healing .. I mean, my life is a true fact about one of those. When my mom was pregnate with me there were complications. My mom was loosing lots of blood and was sick. My father gave her a blessing and in that blessing she has the choice of keeping the baby and getting rid of the baby. Her pregnacy wasnt easy, but she chose to keep the unborn child. And I was born. Sry thats like the super cliff note version of it. But really the story is better coming from my mom. I think I will ask her to tell me of it again.
From other posts you know how hard it is for me to ask for a blessing. I dont know why but I just cant ask a guy to give me a blessing. My reason isnt good enough. It is not blessing worthy. I am scared to death that something might be wrong with me. I really just want them to tell me that I am crazy and to go see someone about mental issues becuase I am perfectly normal and being a baby and its all up in my head.
There are posts I am sure that dive into detail about what life was for me back at the start of the year. The warrent for the arrest. The fights with my dad. The fights with Ryan. The fight with Jonathan. Having no family basicly. Ryan disowned me as his sister. I was going through depression to the point of sitting in the bath tub one day considering how to kill myself. YES I WAS THINKING THAT!! I was lost and didnt know what to do anymore. I just could not take the trial i was going through, I was not strong enough and I was failing. I was bawling. I got out and dressed and tried to stop crying. I opened the door and my roommate Jess was there and I fell into her arms crying. She asked me if she wanted her to call Sam for a blessing (btw, this girl herslef was a blessing to me. I dont know what I would of done without her) I said yes. Sam came over and gave me a blessing. HE KNEW NOTHING of the warrent, of the fights and the disowning of family. BUT Sam said what needed to be said to me. He said what I needed to hear. What he said TRUELY was a blessing from Heavenly Father and him being the mouth peice. There were things said about my dad, "everything will be alright" those words stuck with me for the semester. I believed them. Everything didnt get better right off the bat BUT they did get better, slowly, but they got better.
Where would I be without the priesthood? I dont even want to think about it. I dont use it as much as I should, I know, and it is something that one day I will learn to use to my advantige when I do need a blessing.
After class, with tear filled eyes, I went to Grant and Seth and asked for a blessing of comfort. The lesson to day was a real eye opener and slap in the face telling me I needed one.
I am SCARED TO DEATH about my appointment on thursday. But I know what they find is something to help me. Yea, it could be a cyst, there could be something wrong with the way my body works, WHO KNOWS. But my blessing today brought peace. What happens, is to teach me. Heavenly Father doesnt like seeing me in pain, and what the docter finds out will help me to not hurt anymore. The things that happen to me will help me learn and grow. I need to go into this appointment with my head held high, and what the doc tells me is what it is. There is something to learn, maybe someone I am supposed to teach and help through this in their life. I teach through experince. The spirit teaches me and helps me understand, the pain, the sorrow, the joys, everything through me going through it. "The Lord will help you to find those who have the need and enable you to recongnize how you may assist them."
So yet again, Heavenly Father is preparing me for something new to learn. I mean, the spirit teaches me everyday. So come on life, throw me your best shot. I know everything will be alright. Through the blessing Grant gave me today and my P.B. I have the strength the face Thursday, and get better.
I love the priesthood. This is my testimony. The blessings are from God, and he knows what we need to hear even if the person who is giving the blessing doesnt.
I love this church I am apart of, it has blessed me in many ways, many, MANY ways.
I would be lost without this guidence I have for this day and age. I love my Heavenly Father and my family and my friends who strengthen and lift me up. And for those worthy priesthood holders who are able to give me a blessing in my time of need, to hold me together, to keep me going, to hold strong.
I love you all.

<3 Erin Christina

Why is it so hard to tell someone you like them

Why can't I tell someone that I like them.
Why do I hold on to the past.
It is over, why do I still hope there is something there.
I don't know why I pull myself away.
I know there is no way any guy could like me.
I do not want to get hurt.
I do not want to hurt a friendship.
I leave in like 2 months .. under that but oh well.
I like a guy.
I smile.
I get butterflies.
I get scared.
I pull myself out of a situation.
I run away.
....It is just my personality and his personality.

I got to teach today in the ESL classroom.
there was a sub and I kinda took over once I got there, helping out the sub and she just let me go with it. It felt so good. I know how the class is run. I have observed for 3 weeks and I know how Leslie does the story and the rules of the classroom. So I jumped in and did the work with the class and I feel so accomplished. It felt so right and I FINALLY got the class to respond to me. They partcipated and they answered my questions and they did not hang me out to dry like they did my first day when Leslie had me just jump in and read the story with her 4th period after seeing how she did it with her 3rd period.
It was just amazing the experince I had today. I loved every last min of it. I am going to be a teacher someday and cannot wait to teach. It feels so right and my life has been bless in many ways through the time I have spent doing my practicum hours for my class.

OK so I have to go and give Grant the back massage that I promised that I would give him now that he is back. Plus if I lay in his bed much longer I will end up falling asleep in here .. and well that just wouldnt be good would it .. HAH!!


<3 Erin Christina

What do I want to write

I have lots of things running around in my head.

Thought that I wish I didn't have running around up there.

My faith has been totally in-trusted with my Heavenly Father. I know I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for him and the blessing that he has given me.

It is weird though, the last two weeks I have been more down on myself then I have in a long time. I haven't felt like I am worth much or cared about. I see myself walking down the hallway of the church alone. Sitting in a classroom all alone. I don't put myself there .. people put me out, I sit down and no one sits next to me. Then people get mad at me for sitting alone...whatever, church isn't supposed to be a social thing, it is to feel the spirit and learn teachings of the Lord and to grow closer to him.

I am so good at faking a smile. I am like a PRO at it. Like really, you would never know that I am dead on the inside, even looking into my eyes -- they lie.

I have now had one month of cramps. I hurt while I am sitting here typing this. I have been bloated for a month now as well. 1 week and 2 days till my doctor appointment.

My best friend is probly moving to Utah in 2 1/2 weeks...yay. I am so happy for her if it works out. I know how much better it is for her up there, it makes me happy to see her so happy. I dont want to be all sad and wollow in self pitty becuase something amazing is going to happen for her. It hurts, but hey church will now end an hour early for me, becuase I wont got to RS, I hate it already. I should be used to good things being taken away from me, though for the first time I didn't take this good thing for advantige. Come the time she moves, I will no longer have a social life, because well face it, the singles ward is that warm and welcoming and inviting at all. When I have a Tuesday or Wednesday of Friday or Saturday night off work, I spend it in my room -- well at least the last 2 weeks since Nat has been in Utah, which really shows that yea, that has been my social life, we are connected at the hip when we are both off work (at least thats kinda how I feel, I not talking about her -- for all I know she probly finds me the world most annoying person.) So knowing that she is moving feels like she is being RIPPED apart from me. She is moving 4 hours from Rexburg, which is where I am for 7 months of the year. SO I am flipping excited and happy. It however comes back to 5 months I am stuck here alone.

Sorry, I had to write out those feelings, believe me Nat I am so flipping happy for you, everything I have told you I mean 100% with every good thing, there is always a little pain, I just needed it out so I wouldnt hold on to it.

I know I am blessed.

I dont know what else I wanted to write right now, hunger has hit, its lunch time.

Write Later.

<3 Erin Christina

So I seem to keep putting off

A Blog Post.
Why do I keep putting a new one off.
It is not because there has been nothing to talk about, because really there is LOTS.
So much that I have to update here.
My life has been consumed by things. Sometimes I just dont know where the time goes.
-----------------TMI POST-------------just thought I would say so you dont complain---------
Last week had to have been one of the worst weeks of my life. Ok not life but every night ended me crying myself to sleep. I finally have a doctors appointment and I am scared to death. I have been told by a few people they think I might have a cyst on an ovary. It is scary to think that this pain I have been going through could be something MORE then just that how my body reacts to my monthly (bi monthly) gift that allows me to someday have children. As I sit here writting that I am still in pain. Why is the pain not gone yet. I have been hurting all month. I have been putting off a priesthood blessing as well. What am I supposed to tell them, oh it is cramps and back pains. I just never know when it is proper to ask for a blessing. When I am not abusing the power these men hold for selfish reasons.
So that is a little bit on the pain part of my life, I go to the doctor on Nov. 12, and it just cannot get here fast enough.
Next step in Erin's life is the sleeping.
I sleep for 2 hours, I wake up, fall back asleep and every hour after that I wake up. People at work notice me getting worse and worse, bags under my eyes getting darker and darker. 2 jobs, an online class, and survis hours. Thats my life, am I pushing to hard. . I don't think I am.

I start to think, what lesson is Heavenly Father trying to teach me now. I am such a stubborn spirit I learn through trial. I will know something but wont really start to live it and do it until it slaps me in the face that this is how it is.

I dont want to get up in the mornings. I am just so done with living my life. I just want to keep the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Everything has taken every last bit of what I am. I end each day with tears wishing I could just have one night into one day that I could just escape. Life doesnt stop. There are people who have it WAY worse off then I do. I hate sitting here having a pitty party on my life. You know why. Most people dont know what I go through. I suck it up. There are many people who have no clue that I am in soooo much pain, that I am not sleeping, that I feel like I could just collaps at any min I feel so weak. I act normal at work and around friends no matter what I am going through to come home and once I am alone I cry and let it all out, cry myself to sleep.

So on Nov. 12th maybe I will have some answers. OR the doc will send me home with a perscription for birth control and say suck it up hunny its life. --BUT HEY-- birth control means I will save money on tampons every month right .. HAH .. what they are exspensive and I go through about a box a month .. it sucks!! -- and I buy my own, my mom doesnt buy them for me!

It is getting close to 1am. So I wont have time to say everything I want to say.

I have a post coming soon on my survis practicum hours, with the paper that is due on thursday, and a spirital thought or two posts. and Nov 12 I might have a post of answers.


<3 Erin Christina

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Sir,
How are you doing today? I hope you have been wonderful and enjoying you semester and doing well in all your classes.
Hope you have been able to beat those girls off with a good stick, a bad one wont effect them and much and they will be coming back more and more.
Make sure you are staying out of trouble. No trips to Vegas and having some drunken mistakes OK!!
I have been told to just come out and say everything that needs to be said, everything I talk to Natalia about. She one the one who even convinced me to write this and has been bugging me since I wrote it to send it to you. Right now as I am writing I don’t know if I will be able to just send it to you, I don’t know if I really have it in me to do so.
I just can’t really tell you everything that is going through my head right now. That why I haven’t been 100% truthful with you about things going on here back home…I’m sorry, but I really haven’t. There are many things I have twisted as I am sure you have as well.
I don’t really know how to say what is going through my head…even in writing it just doesn’t come out right. I can tell Natalia how I feel but she is a girl and well I guess we understand each other in that way that only girls can know without either of them even saying anything.
Amanda told me about the text conversation you two had. She said you didn’t give straight answers. She came to me with everything you had said and was confused. There was a reason I don’t talk to people about what happened at school with you. I talk to Natalia and I write in my blog. So people can read but they don’t really know and Natalia is there to kind of help me sort things out through my head, really just so I can get the thoughts out and start to just keep going. People ask about the Knot all the time. I tell them, what you told Amanda, a friend gave it to me. Except, you said to amazing “IDK, friends.” I think that is what confused me the most…and people ask me what happened to the key, and I tell them I lost it.
I am sorry if this goes against what we said. The promise I made that I said I would keep. That we would not talk about any of this. That is what I planned on doing, what I wanted to do, I respected the agreement we made, but Natalia keeps saying I should write the letter and send it.
So now that I have gone through this long letter and you probly won’t even read this far. You probly got to where it pass the line of the agreement we made and now your upset that I went against the promise, to stay friends and not bring any of this up. But here is the main part of the letter.
I would like to know your side of what happened. I want to know what it was through your eyes, from your mind. You told Amanda “long story. Ask her.” I don’t have much of a story to tell. Natalia says mine is one sided and incomplete. She is actually very interested in knowing what you had thought too. I don’t tell the story because people always ask Why this and Why that, and well I don’t have the answers.
I don’t even know if I will send this. It might just sit here forever. But if somehow this does get to you: What is your side of what happened?


Always,
Erin Christina

my paper for chapter 3 and 4 and Boyd K. Packer Talk

How would you modify curriculum without lowering expectations and help ALL children learn and achieve? How might this relate to your growing definitions of multicultural education and being politically correct?
Gordon Allport defined discrimination as “Any conduct based on distinction made on the grounds of natural or social categories which have no relation either to individual capacities or merits or to the concrete behavior of the individual person.” (Neito, 2004). There are too many teachers out in the world who discriminate in the classroom. There are those teachers who put down and teach differently to those students of different races and social standings just because they are a different color or come from a house hold that is not well off. These teachers don’t look beneath the skin to see what the student is capable of. The place where the most damage is done to the student is done in the school. “Institutional discrimination generally refers to how people are excluded or deprives of rights or opportunities as a resort of normal operations or the institution.” (Neito, 2004). The teachers treat the students like they don’t know anything. There are some teachers who tell students that they will never amount to anything, that they are dumb, that they should just quite school because it is doing nothing for them. They put the student down based on what they look like not the student as a whole. Multicultural education is not found here.
In my teaching I do not want to make the same mistake those teachers make. I am a believer in multicultural education, I guess my task now is to find the best way to help my class to be unified and be able to teach all my students in the best way that I can. I need to find a way to break out of the bubble that most teachers find their way into by discriminating against students. I don’t ever want to treat my students with such disrespect. A teacher needs to know each and everyone one of their students’ strengths and weaknesses in orders to best provide ways for the students to learn the best. In making modifications to the curriculum it should not just be for one student to learn better but for the class to learn. If changes were to be made to one student it would be pointing that one student out of everything, discriminating against the student. So in my classroom instead of just teaching one way of doing something I would teach a few different ways. It will help each student learn and choose the way that works the best for them. If a student needs extra help, I will be there for them, and so will the students. In my classroom I will have the students help and teach each other because I am a firm believer that teaching is learning. My students will all be expected to know the material, but if it takes some different way for the student to understand then that is what I will have the student use. The success of my students is of great importance and anything I can do to help them learn the material I will try and do with the student(s).
In a talk by Boyd K. Packer he said, “However out of step we may seem, however much the standards are belittled, however much others yield, we will not yield, we cannot.” (Packer, 2003). We are never to give up on a student. We are to try our best to always teach them, no matter what. Other teachers may be saying to give up on the student and just put them in a different program, or that you are wasting you time and they will never learn, you must never give up. Stick to your guns and help the student no matter what you need to do. The most important thing should be the student succeeding, and that is what a teacher should always do.
In my classroom I will teach all my students to learn, I will not discriminate against any student for any reason. They are all there to learn and whatever it takes to help them learn I will do. So, in asking how I would modify my curriculum, I would mold it to the students, teach them knowing how they learn and teach them many different ways. Like I have said, whatever it takes, I will teach and help and try new ways of teaching until the student knows the material.
Works Cited:
Packer, Boyd K. (2003). “The Standard of Truth has been Erected”. October 14, 2009, from http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=c291ee9ba42fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD.
Nieto, Sonia. (2004). Affirming Diversity: The Socio-political Context of Multicultural Education, 4th edition. Boston: Allyn & Bacon.



<3 Erin Christina

Im Sorry

A few posts ago I had a negative post. But what I post here really are my feelings. I know for a fact that if I had not said anything I really would of stopped eating again, or eating only like 500 calories a day like I used to.

There are some things about my body that should be checked out though I think.

I used to know what cretin things meant when things happened, but now I just don't know. It like my body is rebelling against me. Of course I am just paranoid and nothing is wrong, but sometimes I just don't know.

So yes this blog is short. I don't have much to say right now.

Things are slowly starting to fall into place. Like by Saturday I should be able to pay off my housing for next year. In a month I can register for classes.

Last night at work was fun. It was an AMAZING closing crew and Brad was closing last night. I just cannot wait for the holiday season to start up so we will be BUSY! Yes, it gets stressful during that time but work goes by so much faster. People ask me often why I am still working at Kohls when so many things go wrong when I work there, but I love the people I work with. They are my family. We all care about each other and are there when we need someone to talk to. I love working there, I love the people, the environment, and the clothes! I care about the store A LOT. It makes me sad to see things messed up and even when I am off the clock I find myself working. If I had a car at school I would try to get some work time up there too so I wouldn't have to keep starting over again when I come home (though I started back up at the pay I left at ^_^ )

So tonight I hope to do my reading for my online class. I hope to tomorrow, if not tonight, write up the paper. Also, I am going to make a new habit. I used to no matter what read my scriptures EVERY night up at school, so I am going to try this again. I want to finish D&C by the end of the year. I will be taking the class when I get back up to school winter semester, so I want to have read it once, then I get to read it again when I go back up to school then I can understand what I am not understanding. I really need to be studding the scriptures. I think that is why I have not been understanding what I have been reading lately.

SO, yea this wasn't an amazing thought provoking post, but it is I guess more of something for me, I needed to write some things down for my minds sake.

<3 Erin Christina